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Teaching Crabs How To Read 

Verb,

1. The action of teaching crabs how to read

2. The process by which crustaceans are made literate,

Both of these are considered Forbidden Knowledge of the highest order, and must never be spoken of, outside of complete secrecy. Many a fine man has fallen to the curiosity of teaching literacy to crabs, and have been executed or imprisoned- or worse- for their crimes.

Teaching crabs how to read is a gateway crime, in the ancient days, many of the most infamous dark lords used literate crabs as minions, for it allowed them to use more powerful and complex methods to expand their dominion over our small realm. In the darkest of days, crabs as big as houses would be sent in droves to raze cities, Whole countries were brought to their knees by the terrors wrought by the dark lords and their armies.

The last of the Literate Ones, as they are known by Crabfolk, was slain in AD 1356.

Ever since, the Crabfolk have lived in harmony with humankind.
Billy got burned at the stake for heresy!
I heard he was teaching crabs how to read!

fast-tracking 

The act of expediting one's relationship with a friend into the ultimate stage of friendship through homosexual intercourse; usually overseen by a mediator. It is typically performed by two straight men, when one of them is unable to fully understand the other, but doesn't want to wait a lifetime to become best friends with them.
Derek and Carlos were pretty decent friends, until someone told them about fast-tracking; now they're the best of friends.

Truthing 

When one does the opposite of telling lies.
When a person is not Lying, the person is truthing .
Truthing by Oxxy_Montalvy October 27, 2016

two tracking 

The secondary roads, usually on state or federal land, that take you from one county to the next, usually through wooded terrain. The back roads. Two trackin
For fun in Michigan, we go two tracking into the woods looking for deer while driving fast through the dirt roads.
two tracking by Dragonfly1620 March 30, 2015

Twatchling 

Infant version of a bitch twat hybrid.
Why does that fucking cunt have to be such a twatchling?
Twatchling by Mine 88 May 2, 2010

poon-trenching 

The act of settling for the first girl (often grotesque) that speaks to you at a bar, with total disregard for the potential to achieve more attractive suitors. See also Vaginal Complacency
Joe's poon-trenching reached an all time high when he stood patronizing the 240 lb woman in the throwback Bullets jersey not 5 minutes after entering the bar.
poon-trenching by woodchipper April 29, 2008