Mapeen

Noun. A mapeen is a ratty, torn up and soiled rag for the sole purpose of a single courtesy wipe of one's hindquarters. It is used infrequently and never washed under any circumstances.

Ken ran out of toilet paper, and spied the filthy mapeen sitting innocently on the windowsill; he COULD use it to wipe, he thought, but how long had it been since the mapeen had been washed? Was it safe to use? Could it be radioactive? There was only one way to find out...