The superficial, overgratuitous, and "too little too late" speech that comes at the end of a poorly serviced restaurant meal from a neglegent waitress in the hopes that she might still get a tip.
Waitress: "why THANK you SO MUCH for honoring us with your visit tonight!! Is there ANYTHING else I can get for you? ANYTHING at all? Do you just want a bill? I've got it right here. Thank you SO MUCH!"
Customer: "Um, how about the two cokes we asked for a half an hour ago while you were in the back picking your nose? God you're a stupid bitch. I'm not giving you a tip for that shitty tip atonement."
The next day after a night of binging and after eventually regaining the agonising sensation of sobriety: the first coherent sentence from their mouths, "I'm never drinking again"
... never once has that vow held it's integrity, consequently forming a vicious cycle of binge drinking and denial for the rest of their hypocritical lives.
Bob: Alright Earl? How's the hangover?
Earl: Aw horrible -- I'm never drinking again.
Bob: ... so I'll see you at the pub tonight? Carl's giving us a lock-in.
Earl: YEAH!
Bob: You really need to stop with the Sober Atonement mate, makes you seem like a patheticwanker... what would Jesus say?
when you're holding up your phone and making faces at it, as though you are taking a selfie, but you're really taking a picture of the person across from you or the wall or anything else that seems interesting but you don't want to be caught dead taking a picture of.
This action is often made more convincing by wiggling the eyebrows or opening the mouth, to pretend you're trying to get a Snapchat filter to work.
FRIEND A: "Did you just take a stealthie of me?"
FRIEND B (turning phone around): "no I was just using snapchat's new filter, see?"