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according to

According to me, this is what you say when you don't want anyone to hate you
Dream: According to YouTube statistics, only a small percentage of my viewers are ACTUALLY subscribed.
Fanbase: blah blah blah
by Stupid Af July 24, 2021
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according to my calculations

"According to my calculations, the square root of all finite numbers is equivalent to yada yada yada"
by Hitterdog November 20, 2015
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According to all known laws of aviation pt 1

There is no way a bee
should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

- Barry?
- Adam?

- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can't. I'll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.

Sorry. I'm excited.

Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B's.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That's me!

- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!

Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!
According to all known laws of aviation pt 1

"Hey, did you know I memorized 1500 words of the bee movie script?"

"Why in the everloving FUCK would you do that?"

"Wanna hear it?"

"N-"

" According to all know laws of aviation,

There is no way a bee
should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

- Barry?
- Adam?

- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can't. I'll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.

Sorry. I'm excited.

Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B's.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That's me!

- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!

Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!"
by Teiven December 8, 2020
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According to Google

Phrase used in response to a random question which could have been easily answered by simply Googling it. Usually after a few quick taps on your phone.

A more polite form of JFGI, but with the same message.
him: I wonder what Zeitgeist means?
her: According to Google, Zeitgeist means "the spirit of the times". And here are the top ten topics searched for last year...
by allterrain October 6, 2013
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According to the books

When you want to support a fact without expressing any valid reference.
According to the books, Miguel got married in Hungary.
by Magic_t31 October 10, 2015
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