hoze's definitions

Pastor

Pass-tor (n) middle english 1) an ignorant sonofabitch with a Bass boat; 2) a letch who gropes the loins and lucious breasts of Sunday school girls; 3) a man of god who doesn't file income tax returns; and 4) all of the above.

The new pastor porked all the deacon's daughters.

by hoze August 11, 2004

buick

A big hunking sonofabitch that gets about four miles to the gallon. Your mom and dad were likely conceived on the back seat of a Buick at a drive-in movie. Double cousins with a Oldsmobile, the Buick is the ride of choice of "Hoss" a gentleman who makes a tidy living bashing his Buick lengthwise through a variety of trailers, each of which he claims belongs to Tanya Hardings. He usually busts off a concussion granade when he hits the trailer, but in a way, that's poetic license. Think about it, fucker.

Wouldn't you really rather have a Buick? FUCK NO!!!!

by Hoze April 24, 2004

Ducati

A motorcycle sought out by pretentious assholes who prefer wine to Jack Daniels. They hope that the Ducati is a conspicuous indicator of their riding ability along with their Victoria's Secret color coordinated soft leather suits. Unfortunately, the Duc, on the rare instances it will run, is a badge and incident of a lame ass pretender who knows absolutely nothing about motorcyles. They are made by a filthy subspecies of European -- the only ones on the continent who admired the fucking Nazi's.

A gay bar is to a Ducati like a bright light is to a bug.

by Hoze December 17, 2004

God

A clever old Jewish bastard who gets credit for all the good stuff, but eludes the blame for all the bad shit.

"When the tornado blew our trailer all the way to Pascagoula, thank God none of us was killed." WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK FUCKED UP YOUR TRAILER, YOU STUPID CRACKER-ASS BITCH???????????

by Hoze April 23, 2004

Richard Gere

When Hollywood wants to make yet another chick flick and doesn't want to pay for talent (why would you in a chick flick) Gere's name comes right up.

Director Hoib Goldbaum: "Say, lets make a movie with a mindless plot with shameless exploitation of every human emotion, depicting a lapdog husband under the control of a beautiful middle aged soccer mom who dresses well and has suspicously young children with fake southern accents."

Producer Sol Horowitz: "So you don't think Gere's already working?"

Goldbaum: "Working? Yeah, he's working with a gerbil!"

by Hoze December 25, 2004

screw

The main thing that the cold prevents in Minnesota.

Say, Mom, we haven't screwed since the Truman administration, you betcha!

by hoze February 14, 2005

car bomb

kar' bom <middle english> favorite weapon of goatfuckers the world over.

Yo, muhammad, I can't find our F-16, so lets just blow some kids up with a car bomb. Allah Akbar!

by hoze September 14, 2004