Definitions by Nicholas D
Wall Street trader slang for:
1) To print a ticket, i.e. make a trade or seal the deal
2) To have sex with a woman - seal the deal
1) To print a ticket, i.e. make a trade or seal the deal
2) To have sex with a woman - seal the deal
(on the trading floor)
Karen Hooker (Merrill Lynch trader): "I'll sell you 1000 shares of Motel 6 stock for $50 apiece."
Chris Taylor (Bear Stearns trader): "Done! Print that!"
Karen: "I'll also sell you long positions on Google, Blackstone, and Merrill, and a short position on Bear Stearns."
Chris: "I'll take it all! Oh yeah! Money money money money!!!"
(later at Chris' home)
Chris' wife: "How was your day? Why are you home so late?"
Chris: "Well, there was this girl - Hooker, actually. You know, the old Motel 6 deal. I totally printed that shit! She gave it up for only 50 bucks! Then she got me in all these positions and I must have printed four or five more times! Damn I'm tired from all that action. I'm hitting the sack."
Chris' wife: ***SMACK!!!*** "Get out now! How could you do this to your loving wife and poor little children?"
Karen Hooker (Merrill Lynch trader): "I'll sell you 1000 shares of Motel 6 stock for $50 apiece."
Chris Taylor (Bear Stearns trader): "Done! Print that!"
Karen: "I'll also sell you long positions on Google, Blackstone, and Merrill, and a short position on Bear Stearns."
Chris: "I'll take it all! Oh yeah! Money money money money!!!"
(later at Chris' home)
Chris' wife: "How was your day? Why are you home so late?"
Chris: "Well, there was this girl - Hooker, actually. You know, the old Motel 6 deal. I totally printed that shit! She gave it up for only 50 bucks! Then she got me in all these positions and I must have printed four or five more times! Damn I'm tired from all that action. I'm hitting the sack."
Chris' wife: ***SMACK!!!*** "Get out now! How could you do this to your loving wife and poor little children?"
print by Nicholas D July 23, 2007
gobbler
1) "Son, I can't believe you brought that big ol' gobbler home for Thanksgiving dinner. I'm so proud of you."
2) "Son, I can't believe you brought that big ol' gobbler home for Thanksgiving dinner. You're a disgrace to this family...and so is your grandfather, who paid that fat skank $20 for a hummer."
2) "Son, I can't believe you brought that big ol' gobbler home for Thanksgiving dinner. You're a disgrace to this family...and so is your grandfather, who paid that fat skank $20 for a hummer."
gobbler by Nicholas D May 8, 2007
I-banking
Short for investment banking, an industry devoted to squeezing money out of transactions, famous for paying a metric shitload, being filled with douchebags, and doing absolutely nothing for the benefit of society. It is amazing that anyone actually ends up in this industry, as you have to be very smart to get such a job, but very stupid to take it.
Common characteristics are:
1) 80-100+ hour weeks, rarely even a weekend day off. Although it pays a lot in absolute terms, if you consider it on a per-hour basis (including overtime pay), it's not too far above minimum wage.
2) Meaningless, tedious, mind-numbing work.
3) A constant false sense of urgency on all projects.
4) Bonuses almost as big and sometimes bigger than base salaries, that is if you survive until bonus time.
5) Ranking everyone in the firm on the scale {Analyst, Associate, Vice President, Director/Executive Director, Managing Director, and so on}, often even HR, secretaries, and sanitation workers. Contradictorily, an "Analyst" in HR doesn't analyze anything, and a "Vice President" really isn't very important or high up at all.
6) Consistently recruits top college graduates into voluntary sweatshop-like slave labor camps called "Analyst programs."
Common characteristics are:
1) 80-100+ hour weeks, rarely even a weekend day off. Although it pays a lot in absolute terms, if you consider it on a per-hour basis (including overtime pay), it's not too far above minimum wage.
2) Meaningless, tedious, mind-numbing work.
3) A constant false sense of urgency on all projects.
4) Bonuses almost as big and sometimes bigger than base salaries, that is if you survive until bonus time.
5) Ranking everyone in the firm on the scale {Analyst, Associate, Vice President, Director/Executive Director, Managing Director, and so on}, often even HR, secretaries, and sanitation workers. Contradictorily, an "Analyst" in HR doesn't analyze anything, and a "Vice President" really isn't very important or high up at all.
6) Consistently recruits top college graduates into voluntary sweatshop-like slave labor camps called "Analyst programs."
Vice President #1: "SHIT!!! I'm going to have to spend all weekend getting this investor request done!!!"
Vice President #2: "Calm down man, it's not due back to them til the end of next week!"
VP #1: "NO, it needs to be done NOW!!! Where are all those analysts we hired? One of them can do the mindless bitch work."
VP #2: "Um, one committed suicide, two ended up in the mental ward, and another drowned in the huge pool of bullshit."
VP #1: "DAMN IT!!! We need to hire a new one. How about that janitor analyst Joe?"
VP #2: "Um...I guess so..."
VP #1: "Hey Joe, do you want a job as a corporate finance I-banking analyst here at Goldman Sachs? We'll pay you $60,000 base and you'll probably get $60,000 more in bonus. All we need from you is to give up every waking hour of your life, your health, and your soul."
Joe: "No thanks, I'd rather unclog toilets. Besides, I already make $8 an hour - I don't want to take a pay cut."
VP #1: "OH SHIT!!! WE'RE SO SCREWED!!! This needs to get done NOW!!!"
VP #2: "Whatever man, just make Nick D do it."
Vice President #2: "Calm down man, it's not due back to them til the end of next week!"
VP #1: "NO, it needs to be done NOW!!! Where are all those analysts we hired? One of them can do the mindless bitch work."
VP #2: "Um, one committed suicide, two ended up in the mental ward, and another drowned in the huge pool of bullshit."
VP #1: "DAMN IT!!! We need to hire a new one. How about that janitor analyst Joe?"
VP #2: "Um...I guess so..."
VP #1: "Hey Joe, do you want a job as a corporate finance I-banking analyst here at Goldman Sachs? We'll pay you $60,000 base and you'll probably get $60,000 more in bonus. All we need from you is to give up every waking hour of your life, your health, and your soul."
Joe: "No thanks, I'd rather unclog toilets. Besides, I already make $8 an hour - I don't want to take a pay cut."
VP #1: "OH SHIT!!! WE'RE SO SCREWED!!! This needs to get done NOW!!!"
VP #2: "Whatever man, just make Nick D do it."
I-banking by Nicholas D May 7, 2007
shufflebeer
A simple drinking game that simply involves a smooth table surface (usually 6-9 ft long), 2 or 4 players, several cans of beer (as many as you want to drink), and a floor you don't care about getting beer all over. NOTE: The table should be watered down for optimum can-sliding.
The rules:
1) Players alternate sliding full beer cans back and forth across the table.
2) 3 possible outcomes occur:
a. The beer can falls short. Nothing happens.
b. The beer can falls over the edge. The other player must CATCH IT (this takes minimal coordination, but you'd be surprised how clumsy some people are). If you don't catch it, someone will probably have beer explode in his/her face later.
c. The beer can hangs over the edge. That is, if you get under the edge and can see can bottom, it counts. In this case, the other player must DRINK IT. All of it. Then get a new beer can to play with.
NOTE: The drinking player must open the can no more than one foot from his/her face. If the can has been dropped, the explosion can get ugly.
3) The other player/team gets a chance to slide the beer can across the table.
This is a fast-moving game. Generally the can is slid every 5 seconds or so. You also consume a good amount of beer in not much time, so 30 mins or so of this game makes for a great pre-party activity. If 4 players play you can slide either one or two cans at a time. An expert variation is to play with bottles...just make sure you have a soft floor in this case.
The rules:
1) Players alternate sliding full beer cans back and forth across the table.
2) 3 possible outcomes occur:
a. The beer can falls short. Nothing happens.
b. The beer can falls over the edge. The other player must CATCH IT (this takes minimal coordination, but you'd be surprised how clumsy some people are). If you don't catch it, someone will probably have beer explode in his/her face later.
c. The beer can hangs over the edge. That is, if you get under the edge and can see can bottom, it counts. In this case, the other player must DRINK IT. All of it. Then get a new beer can to play with.
NOTE: The drinking player must open the can no more than one foot from his/her face. If the can has been dropped, the explosion can get ugly.
3) The other player/team gets a chance to slide the beer can across the table.
This is a fast-moving game. Generally the can is slid every 5 seconds or so. You also consume a good amount of beer in not much time, so 30 mins or so of this game makes for a great pre-party activity. If 4 players play you can slide either one or two cans at a time. An expert variation is to play with bottles...just make sure you have a soft floor in this case.
Ebenezer was a beirut champion in college back in the 1940's. Now he's lost his shooting touch, but his shufflebeer skills have made him the talk of the retirement home and have had Mildred, Ethel, and Agatha wanting to get all up in his Depends.
shufflebeer by Nicholas D January 31, 2007
like aggregation
A principle that basically states that things of similar composition will eventually tend toward the same location because they are similarly affected by wind/ocean currents, magnetic fields, and other forces.
Examples are hairballs from dogs/cats and giant masses of condoms people have found in the ocean.
Examples are hairballs from dogs/cats and giant masses of condoms people have found in the ocean.
Brad: "...so that was like the third time this year that my sister has been hit in the face with bird shit! I wonder why that happens to her so much."
Jeremy: "Dude, haven't you ever heard of like aggregation? Dee dee dee!"
Jeremy: "Dude, haven't you ever heard of like aggregation? Dee dee dee!"
like aggregation by Nicholas D November 28, 2006
BBMOAT
Chris: Hey, I was trying to think of a name for that large trench I dug around my home and then filled with little metal spherical pellets...
Peter: BBMOAT!
Chris: Thanks, that's a great suggestion!...oh, I was also trying to remember the name of that new jazz/blues guitarist who had named himself after that old guitarist who had a similar style...
Peter: BBMOAT!
Chris: Thanks man! That's right! Oh, do you remember what my stuttering, ebonics-speaking neighbor said to me last year when he suggested that I be a ditch for Halloween?
Peter: BBMOAT!
Chris: Oh yeah! Thanks a lot. Oh, I wanted to apologize for last week when I visited the city that you live in, was there for a week, neglected to call you when I got there even though I had previously said I would, and then when you finally got in touch with me, refused to come hang with me because it was 'too far'.
Peter: Oh yeah...that was a pretty bitch move.
Peter: BBMOAT!
Chris: Thanks, that's a great suggestion!...oh, I was also trying to remember the name of that new jazz/blues guitarist who had named himself after that old guitarist who had a similar style...
Peter: BBMOAT!
Chris: Thanks man! That's right! Oh, do you remember what my stuttering, ebonics-speaking neighbor said to me last year when he suggested that I be a ditch for Halloween?
Peter: BBMOAT!
Chris: Oh yeah! Thanks a lot. Oh, I wanted to apologize for last week when I visited the city that you live in, was there for a week, neglected to call you when I got there even though I had previously said I would, and then when you finally got in touch with me, refused to come hang with me because it was 'too far'.
Peter: Oh yeah...that was a pretty bitch move.
BBMOAT by Nicholas D October 14, 2006
nerd chariot
If Eugene keeps rolling around on that nerd chariot wearing that fanny pack, he won't have a chance with the ugliest most desperate girl on the Mt. Holyoke fuck truck.
nerd chariot by Nicholas D October 8, 2006