Alfred F.'s definitions

furry

Someone who enjoys writing long, boring, apologetic definitions for their fursuit fetish.

Furry: What is it to be a furry? It is not a simple term to define. One has to consider, naturally, the anthropomorphic quality inherent in most instances of the proclivity, but really, it is more of a philosophy, a basic way of seeing a different form for yourself. That vision can be expressed in various ways, from artistry and poetic invention to socialization with like-minded folks. Generally, tbey share an interest in literature and imagery containing antrhopomorphic creatures. Most furries are pretty normal people, but in some cases...

Cynic: Dude, you get off dry humping people while wearing a fuzzy mascot suit and looking at doodled pictures of cat people.

Furry: W...what?

Cynic: Jeez, don't worry about it; whatever turns you on. I kind of like fat chicks. Just show some courtesy and shut up about it, ok? I don't go around saying that I've had some sort of intellectual revelation after I've shagged a whale.

Furry: *sniffle* But I don't...I mean, I mostly just appreciate the art and...

Cynic: Pardon me while I go appreciate some art "depicting" a BBW eating pork rinds and Twinkies off her belly.

Furry: You're sick.

Cynic: BUT AT LEAST I'M HONEST!!!

by Alfred F. July 30, 2007

worst day ever syndrome

Spiraling depression. A condition in which a person feels that each day they live is worse than the preceding day. Most generally, this phrase applies to individuals whose personal lives are merely stagnant, rather than actually becoming worse by the day, as might be the case for a starving refugee or a cancer patient.

"Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up. "
Office Space, 1999

People who exhibit symptoms of worst day ever syndrome are urged to immediately seek professional help -- or to acquire a social life, whichever seems more feasible.

by Alfred F. May 6, 2008

Forage

To roam around a kitchen eating either ready-to-consume food such as potato chips and crackers or unprepared culinary components such as dry tortillas/bread/cereal/pasta, condiments that would normally be on top of something else, desserts, or cold leftovers. Food thus consumed is usually washed down with beverages straight from the container. Foraged food is exemplified by a lack of preparation and by its consumer standing or pacing while eating. Many a diet focuses on preventing or limiting foraging.
Foraged food generally requires less effort than bachelor chow or ramen to prepare for eating; anything more than a wrapper or a lid between countertop and mouth may disqualify the food as foraged grub.

Mom: what happened to the bag of croûtons I left on the counter for salad tonight?
Kid: *hides empty bag behind back*...I dunno.
Mom: Didn't I tell you not to forage between meals? You're going to make yourself sick. You're not a goat; don't eat like one. You're going to put on weight and stunt your growth. Back when I was your age...

by Alfred F. July 30, 2007

wardialing

Using a computer to dial telephone numbers within a given range, usually with the intention of finding a modem carrier signal. The practice largely predated the widespread penetration of broadband Internet connectivity; at the time, many businesses, agencies, and individuals operated computer systems "on-demand" through telephone-based modems, each of which might (or might not) offer a unique (and possibly privileged) selection of information, as well as possibly offering access to powerful hardware or a platform for reaching other networks and systems. Usually, the wardialer would be covertly planted on a public, shared, or corporate phone line, left to operate for a limited time, then retrieved so that any "positives" (phone lines returning a modem carrier signal) could be investigated later from yet another location. The practice often went hand-in-hand with phreaking, for obvious reasons.

Today, some telemarketing and social research firms use similar programs (usually working from a digital phone book) to reach residential numbers in search of sales or social information. Also, on rare occasions, people engaged in social engineering have used a form of this process to explore "gaps" in corporate phone listings to discover (and identify the owners of) unlisted numbers.

This term directly inspired the term wardriving, due to similarities between the two practices: both return unpredictable results, both require real-world travel, and both activities are done for rather similar reasons. On the other hand, while wardriving is inherently focused on and limited to a specific geographic area, wardialing is a prototypical bruteforce process, much like password cracking, and can theoretically be achieved from any location with a dial tone.

In the 1983 movie Wargames, a teenager engages in wardialing and discovers a backdoor into the NORAD (NAADS) computer system. He then accidentally runs a simulation which almost turns into World War III.

The wardialer is dead. Long live the wardriver.

by Alfred F. April 1, 2008

Chuck Norris

Aside from being a faddish 2000's pop culture exemplar of all things tough, monosyllabic, and righteously violent, Chuck Norris holds black belts in Tang Soo Do, Tae Kwon Do, Karate, and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. His rise to Hollywood fame occurred when he starred as the villain opposite Bruce Lee in "Return of the Dragon." He played leads in a number of martial arts movies through the 80's, then was picked up for "Walker, Texas Ranger" in 1993, which aired for eight years on CBS. As of 2006, he continues to take on roles for various karate flicks, capitalizing intensely on his recent faddish popularity.

The Chuck Norris jokes will end when Chuck Norris is ready for them to end.

by Alfred F. September 12, 2006

Care Bear

1. Lightly derogatory term for an MMO player who avoids PVP combat, heavily preferring cooperative or solo PVE combat, chatting, or developing tradeskills/running quests. Depending on the game and the individual, this PVP avoidance can show up in several ways: by playing on strict non-PVP servers; by avoiding PVP areas or declining duels; or, by avoiding or condemning PVP players. Philosophically, they often cite unbalanced combat systems, overpowered guilds, ebayed characters, and ganking as reasons to prefer less aggressive play. The mindset can be self-sustaining in several ways: high-level "care bears" may have avatars that are tailored for PVE, not PVP; they may not network with skilled PVP players; or, they may morally refuse to learn aggressive PVP tactics. As an insult, the term applies less to players who merely prefer PVE to PVP and more to individuals who question the basic legitimacy of PVP or who greatly overreact to their avatars' deaths. Bear in mind that it is strictly incorrect to refer to the victims of heavy exploiters as Care Bears. Abbreviated CB. Compare with RPK, Player Killing/PK, PVP.
2. Adjective describing a strictly PVE server or game.

1. PVP: *kills CB*
CB: What the ****? I didn't do anything to you; why did you kill me?
PVP: You were there.
CB: This is bull****. Go away!
PVP: *kills CB again*
CB: Quit camping me! WTF is wrong with you?
PVP: You were still there.
CB: *logs out*

2. Player 1: Hey, why don't you come over to Final Fantasy XI? I'll get someone in the guild to level you up.
Player 2: Sorry, I prefer PVP MMOs; FFXI would be way too Care Bear for me.

by Alfred F. April 28, 2007

worst case scenario

A relative phrase, never to be uttered or even thought, lest a worse situation should arise.

A man was riding a mule along a steep mountain trail. Suddenly, a cougar darted in front of him. The mule spooked, pitched him from the saddle, and ran further down the trail, taking the man's gun, gps beacon, and supplies with it. The man tried to run, but found that his ankle was broken. He attempted to back away, instead, but his ankle collapsed on some loose stones and he fell backwards toward the precipice, catching himself at the last moment on some old tree roots. As he hung there, with the cougar pawing at the gravel above him and the roots beginning to come free of the rocky soil, he saw a bright cluster of wild berries just within reach. In despair, the man leaned out, grabbed a handful and began chewing on them -- to his surprise, they were wonderfully sweet! Savoring their taste, the man decided that he had, by all rights, lived a good life, and he braced himself for the worst.

Suddenly, the cougar pounced! The man jerked back, and to his amazement, the cougar sailed past him, lost its footing on the slope it had aimed for, and plummeted to the canyon floor far beneath. A cascade of tiny stones followed the big cat, and larger stones followed those. The man looked around and realized that a larger set of tree roots had been revealed beneath the shifting stone. He wiped his free hand, reached out, and got a secure grip. Within a minute, he was back on the trail. As he was catching his breath, he saw his slightly skittish mule trotting back down the path, heading for home. He whistled, bringing it back to him. He made a quick splint for his ankle and threw himself back into the saddle.

A few hours later, he was back at his campsite, where he told his fellow campers one of the most amazing stories they had ever heard. The man ate a hearty meal, took some aspirin for his ankle and his nerves, and went to sleep in his tent, anxious for the morning ride back to civilization.

He never woke up. The berries he ate were poisonous.

---

Whatever you are thinking, you haven't found the worst case scenario yet. Don't pretend that you have.

by Alfred F. May 6, 2008