A gaping abyss of a pussy. Feels like fucking a bucket of rice pudding.
Other similes would include: minge like a hippos yawn, pussy like an axe wound or the little used, arsehole like a clowns pocket.
Note from author:
Hope you guys don't suffer the same fate. It's an experience that will stay with you your entire life!!...
Felt like I was throwing a sausage up Bedford High Street.
Fogey/fogy /fougi/ sl. (early 18C+, orig. Scot) old-fashioned, stuck-in-the mud.
Person with old fashioned ideas which he is unwilling to change: Come to the disco and stop being such an old fogey!
You think me an old fogeyand an old tory, his thoughtful voice said. I saw three generations since O’Connel’s time. I remember the famine. Do you know that the orange lodges agitated for repeal of the union twenty years before O’Connel did or before the prelates of your communion denounced him as a demagogue? You fenians forget some things. (James Joyce, Ulysses. PenguinBooks,1992. p. 38)