retirement plan 

A large caliber handgun kept by one who does not want to get old, so that he won't have to.

"What the Hell are you doing with a .50 Desert Eagle that you've never used?"

"That's just my retirement plan."

retirement plan by [e-mail] March 7, 2009

Redneck Retirement Plan

Regularly socking away money, not into any kind of savings plan, but into lottery tickets.

Alternately, into any kind of gambling.

Hopefully my Redneck Retirement Plan will pay off this week.

Redneck Retirement Plan by high-tech redneck August 25, 2009

401(A) : The Appalachian retirement plan 

Turn 18. Make a back injury/psychiatric disability claim with SSI. Sell weed and narcotics out of you trailer for extra income. Treat the emergency room like a doctors' office for your many abscesses you will get from injecting drugs. Have many kids you can't afford for the tax advantages. Never work, act entitled the rest of your life while taxpayers with real jobs support your lifestyle. Oh, and have a bunch of tattoos but claim your afraid of needles when it's time to get a life saving antibiotic IV while on vacation in the Hyatt ..(the hospital).......

Hey Craig, hows Matt doing these days? I think hes been working on his 401(A) : The Appalachian retirement plan.

401(A) : The Appalachian retirement plan by BLACKHEATHER December 19, 2018

.44 Magnum Retirement Plan 

When you fail to save and invest enough money for retirement and grow too old or get sick and can no longer work to earn money to maintain the lifestyle you are accustomed to. The .44 Magnum Retire Plan may be an option for you! Just place a loaded, high powered firearm to the side of your head or in your mouth and pull the trigger. All your retirement worries will disappear in an instant!

Clarence: “Hey Lance, how is your retirement portfolio looking?”.
Lance: “It’s strong to quite strong”.
Clarence: “Nice! You must have gotten in early on some wireless I.P.O.’s and made a killing!”.
Lance: “No. Truth be told, I haven’t saved or invested shit towards retirement. I’m 68 now and in failing health. I’m on the .44 Magnum Retirement Plan!”.

.44 Magnum Retirement Plan by E. Barlow June 22, 2021

Redneck Retirement Plan

buying cars, different metals or other junk and hoarding it to sell at a later date

"did you see that massive wire of copper lying there, i'm gonna go grab it for my redneck retirement plan"

Redneck Retirement Plan by Ldngeezer July 25, 2023

blue line retirement plan 

Suicide by cop.

Just like the Smith and Wesson retirement plan, except now free! Try the blue line retirement plan today! Operators are standing by, the call is free! Why pay for mental health services when lead therapy is only thirty minutes away?!

blue line retirement plan by assblaster9000420blazebrbkms May 17, 2018

Millennial Retirement Plan

Millennials, having grown up in End Stage Capitalism and having no real savings or hopes for Social Security payments, though having paid into it already for upto 20 years, expect that in their retirement years will see Capitalism finally collapse.

The Millennial expectation is that Mad Max and Idiocracy will hate fuck and have a baby, that baby is the Millennial Retirement Plan.

Millennial Retirement Plan by Zyvis X November 20, 2022