An unfortunate and incurable medical condition. Symptoms include: very old age, annoying behavior, forgetfullness,
nostalgia for yesteryear, crankiness, crustiness, long-winded email writing, and a pot-bellied appearance. But mostly just old, very old, age and the innate ability to effortlessly annoy anyone within earshot. Nelsheimers patients often appear disoriented and just keep asking for "a little
black caulk." No one is sure exactly how the disease is transmitted, but the CDC reports a recent north
Florida outbreak appears to have been linked to a rusty old pitcher pump.