Fucked a monkey 

1. a) To do something inadvertently that causes catastrophic events. b) To unknowingly create an epidemic.

Guy 1: "Dude some girl puked in the fryer at my Mcjob today"

Guy 2: "Damn she really fucked a monkey"

Guy 1: "No kidding, no one got fries for the rest of the day"

Fucked a monkey by xzekiel June 7, 2009

Jesus fucked a monkey! 

Phrase used when a pub door swings back and nearly dislodges the pyramid of glasses being carried back to table, or when a twat cyclist speeds through a red light at a pedestrian crossing and almost kills you, or practically anytime 'fuckin hell', 'you fuckin twat', or 'shiiiiiiit' simply doesn't cut the mustard.
Used sparingly, it's effective, offensive and infectious.

Jesus fucked a monkey!, watch out twat.

Jesus fucked a monkey! by TauntonJah November 5, 2019

fucked as a monkey 

to be monkeyed.

"I'm as fucked as a monkey", Rory said after the tenth pint of Stella.

fucked as a monkey by the_rorz August 5, 2009

Son of a monkey fucker 

1. A modern version of "son of a bitch," because it is the most useless swear. It doesn't have the kick the it used to have.

2. Used to tell that a person's mother/father is a monkey.

3. Comeback; Witty retort

John: Fuck you, fatass!

Sean: You son of a monkey fucker!

John: . . .

Son of a monkey fucker by MorsMortis March 7, 2010