astrawlogy 

Psychic/fortune-telling bullcrap dat's supposedly drawn from da particulars of how and where you stacked da cows' "square meals" in da hay-loft.

I tried to do an astrawlogy-reading for someone based on da unique pattern of da scattered white-plastic-wrapped "cattle-marshmallows" in da nearby alfalfa-field, only to then find out dat said bales weren't even on da guy's own property, but a neighboring one. What a humiliating disappointment!

astrawlogy by QuacksO December 22, 2021

Astrology

A practice used to determine people’s personalities from the positions of stars and planets during their birthdays. Although it seems harmless, some idiots have used it to justify their hate for certain people.

Astrology lover: WhEn Is YoUr BiRtHdAy?
Normal person: November the-
Astrology lover: Ew YoUr A sCoRpIo GeT aWaY fRoM mE!!!1!1!
Normal person: What the hell is wrong with you?

Astrology by akt858 August 29, 2020

Astrology

Bullshit

Astrology is bullshit

Astrology by Yaboilongdong November 2, 2019

Astrology

Fake. No you’re not rude because you’re a Aries or Scorpio or whatever the fuck astrologers say.

I’m sorry baby, I’m just a Gemini so I cheat. Please take me back!

No Kelsey, stop blaming Astrology. The way the stars are lined up on your birthday is no excuse for you being an absolute cunt.

Date: Yeah I love astrology it’s totally 100% accurate.
Guy with brain; Ight Imma head out (leaves date)

Guy: I’m a Scorpio and my daily horoscope said that you have to suck my dick
Naive astrologer girl: Really? Ok!

Astrology by Justaguy31 November 30, 2021

portal astrology 

When anxious college applicants believes that any changes in their college admissions portal indicates whether or not they have been accepted or rejected. Commonly discussed about online on college-admissions forums.

"OMG MY PORTAL TEXT SHIFTED ONE PIXEL TO THE LEFT!!!"

"Bro OMG mine didn't. I think you got in!!! I believe in portal astrology"

portal astrology by udcollege March 30, 2021

Astrology

Astrology is a pseudoscience used to predict and explain peoples lives based on the annual location of space rocks.
Often followed and practiced by idiots who have no understanding of physics and how the other planets do not change the outcome of events.
In many cases, when accused of practicing pseudoscience, the astrologer will likely make some claim about how “you believe in evolution and that the moon impacts the tides, so why shouldn’t I believe in this?” The answer simply being that there is actually scientific evidence to support scientific beliefs, and there’s nothing scientific about astrological bullshit.

Idiot: oh, you’d better not sign that contract today, it’s Mercury retrograde rn
Intellectual: I could not care less about your astrology bullshit
idiot: but, but, it means that things will go wrong and you’ll have bad luck
intellectual: no it doesn’t you uneducated addlepate. Go back to school

Astrology by Esrioas July 22, 2018

Astrology Girl 

Usually a 14-20 something year old girl who believes the alignment of the stars dictates everything about them.

They are some of the most toxic people on the planet and use their sign as an excuse/justification

Person 1: DUDE YOU JUST RAN OVER A FAMILY
Astrology Girl: Did I? I’m such an Aquarius

Astrology Girl by Icy96 November 20, 2022