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thick as a plank 

Somebody is who is beyond stupid in general or at certain tasks. They are so dumb that they compare to a plank of wood in terms of brain usage.

In fact the plank of wood will usually solve the task before the person.
Jack: So did Alan manage to fix that rusty gate?

Bill: Nah man that lads as thick as a plank.
thick as a plank by MrWeldon February 6, 2018

Flat as a plank 

Why do people draw that girl with large boobs when shes flat as a plank?!?!
used to refer to a flat-chested female with small posterior booty, as well!
{a Plank is used to refer to a flat-chested female with small posterior booty, as well!

Look at her, if she turns sideways it looks like
she has two backs. She looks like a wooden plank!
a Plank by internet comedian December 11, 2019

snap a plank 

Snap a plank,To defecate, take a dump,shit, usually a hard one that equates to breaking a hardwood board or plank
Dude ,I snapped a plank and clogged your toilet . I need to snap a plank.

sitting on a plank 

When you hide a boner by shoving it in between your legs and squeezing it with your thighs
Adam: hey look how tight that guy's legs are, wtf is he doing
Bartholomew: he's definitely sitting on a plank rn
sitting on a plank by arcanev4 February 21, 2025

planking on a million 

A saying meaning gone crazy or lost common sense.
Peter: You should've seen her the other day, she was talking to herself.

Kyle: That girl is planking on a million