Definitions by MrWeldon

thick as a plank 

Somebody is who is beyond stupid in general or at certain tasks. They are so dumb that they compare to a plank of wood in terms of brain usage.

In fact the plank of wood will usually solve the task before the person.

Jack: So did Alan manage to fix that rusty gate?

Bill: Nah man that lads as thick as a plank.

thick as a plank by MrWeldon February 6, 2018

i will in me fuck

I can absolutely state that I will never be doing what you just asked me to do. In fact if you keep asking me I might just do the opposite.

Dad: Billy can you take out the rubbish to the bin.

Billy: I will in me fuck.

i will in me fuck by MrWeldon February 6, 2018

Keep sketch 

The art of asking one or more people to keep an eye out for an authority figure while you do something questionable or slightly illegal.

Especially popular with teenagers doing things like graffiti or stealing something from a garden, school, shop etc.

Group of lads are walking down the street when one sees an apple tree in a garden.

Tony :Hey lads keep sketch while I nick these apples.

Keep sketch by MrWeldon February 6, 2018

packet of crips 

Irish way of saying packet of Potato Chips. These are called crisps in Ireland but are often pronounced and sometimes even written as Crips with the middle s silent.

Calling them crips also particularly often happens in pubs/bars.

Talking to a barman: Pint and a packet of Crips please.

packet of crips by MrWeldon February 6, 2018

an ugly twat 

The ultimate insult of somebodies Character, looks and intelligence. Usually said behind the persons back.

Almost always prefaced by she or he's such a...

Ugly refers to their looks. Twat refers to the fact they come across as obnoxious or dumb. Often both.

Robert: Did you hear I went out with Mary last week?

Eric : Really? Mary? She's such an ugly twat.

an ugly twat by MrWeldon February 6, 2018