A Theobald Wolfgang is a
person whose personality is tinged with sarcasm, which is used as a self defense mechanism in all situations. He/she will keep Orbit in business during his/her lifetime due to an insatiable chewing gum fetish.
A Theobald Wolfgang will also generally be obsessed with the movie 500 Days of Summer and Actimel
yogurt drinks. He/she usually has a remarkable ability to quote entire scenes of movies perfectly but will struggle to explain exactly what the movie itself is about.
While he/she dislikes most animals, a Theobald Wolfgang will generally have an odd obsession with
cats, often keeping
two at a time in his/her company.
A Theobald Wolfgang will also employ a chant known only as 'The Chop' from
time-to-time in an ability to highlight how obvious a statement made by his/her companion is. However, this chant is usually met with looks of incredulity from all within ear-shot of the conversation for its almost mocking tone and condescending manner.
A Theobald Wolfgang enjoys writing and playing
football in his/her spare
time, but will modestly claim to be
useless at both despite the many accolades and praises of his/her peers.
"You got any chewing gum, Mick?
"Yeah man, here." (hands Paul a stick of gum)
"I knew you'd have some, you're such a Theobald Wolfgang."
***
"Man, I got Theobald Wolfganged by Christopher today."
"How so?"
"
Well, we were talking about the Leeds-Spurs match and I was all like, 'Man, I can'
t believe Leeds could
beat United but lose to Spurs', and he just started doing the Chop chant at me!"
***
"I was talking to Michelle the other
day about 500 Days of Summer."
"That'
s not an intelligent thing to do,
Maria."
"Tell me about it, I got one quote wrong and she essentially quoted the whole film back to me!"
"That's your own fault, you KNOW Michelle's a Theobald Wolfgang."
***
"Jesus, that Alana one really is modest, isn'
t she?"
"Yeah, I
mean those poems she wrote were fantastic, she deserved her merit award from the school, yet still she gave your man, Jack, the award instead."
"Yeah."
(both
people sigh)
"That's a Theobald Wolfgang for you."
