A Theobald Wolfgang is a person whose personality is tinged with
sarcasm, which is used as a self defense mechanism in all situations. He/she
will keep Orbit in business during his/her lifetime due to an insatiable chewing gum fetish.
A Theobald Wolfgang
will also generally be obsessed with the movie 500 Days of
Summer and Actimel yogurt drinks. He/she usually has a remarkable ability to quote entire scenes of movies perfectly but
will struggle to explain exactly what the movie itself is about.
While he/she dislikes most animals, a Theobald Wolfgang
will generally have an odd obsession with cats, often keeping
two at a time in his/her company.
A Theobald Wolfgang
will also employ a chant known only as 'The Chop' from time-to-time in an ability to highlight how obvious a statement made by his/her companion is. However, this chant is usually met with looks of incredulity from all within ear-shot of the conversation for its almost mocking tone and condescending manner.
A Theobald Wolfgang enjoys writing and playing football in his/her spare time, but
will modestly claim to be useless at both despite the many accolades and praises of his/her peers.
"You got any chewing
gum, Mick?
"Yeah man, here." (hands
Paul a stick of gum)
"I knew you'
d have some, you're such a Theobald Wolfgang."
***
"Man, I got Theobald Wolfganged by Christopher today."
"How so?"
"
Well, we were talking about the Leeds-Spurs match and I was all like, 'Man, I can't believe Leeds could
beat United but lose to Spurs', and he just started doing the Chop chant at me!"
***
"I was talking to Michelle the other day about 500 Days of
Summer."
"That's not an intelligent thing to do, Maria."
"Tell me about it, I got one quote wrong and she essentially quoted the whole film back to me!"
"That's your own fault, you KNOW Michelle's a Theobald Wolfgang."
***
"
Jesus, that Alana one really is modest, isn't she?"
"Yeah, I
mean those poems she wrote were fantastic, she deserved her merit award from the school, yet still she gave your man, Jack, the award instead."
"Yeah."
(both people sigh)
"That's a Theobald Wolfgang for you."
