Shitnipples
An affectionate nickname for one’s African-American female familiars. Refers to the color of their skin and the fact that they have nipples. Terrible. Not very inventive. Probably racist. But bold and decisive, as these definitions go. Also known as shitnips, shiznips, shaznops, and shippers. And very rarely, ships in the night. Not to be confused with Shynips, which are inverted weirdo nipples (aka Innie-olas).
Shitnipples was in the bathroom for like 45 minutes, and when she finally came out she was crying. Like really hard. Because she couldn’t get her poop to go down. That stuff really embarrasses her. She takes it so personally, it breaks your heart. She sent me out into the hallway and locked the apartment door behind me. By the time she finished all the plunging and cursing and opened the door again, I was laying on my belly in the hall, playing smartphone games. (Which is a first for me.) She aimed her hollow zombie eyes at the middle of my face and muttered, “Come back in, I guess...” I don’t think she’ll ever been the same. She won’t get help. She won’t sleep. I tell her it’s only poop. She covers her belly, puts your finger to her lips, and whispers, “Quiet! It’ll hear you!”
Shitnipples by whooer's your daddy October 26, 2018
