Rubeus Hagrid's n00bish brother who spends his days cultiv8ing pygmy squirrels at his est8 up in h0mie n00bia to exhibit at pygmy squirrel exhibitions. Expert in shanter.
Rubeus Hagrid: heyyo n00beus Hagrid wot've ye up to l8ly?
n00beus hagrid: you know, you know, just cultiv8ing some homie pygmy squirrels Rubeus Hagrid: n0000000000b that is some shanter
The best-tasting super-laxative on the fucking planet. Will efficiently evacuate any fecal matter you have had in your bowels for the past five years. WARNING: MUST BE TAKEN IN SMALL DOSES. An overdose has been known to leave a 250-pound manly-man crying on the bathroom floor. Be careful.
Constipated Man: Hey, I'm plugged up. Can I get some Haribo Sugarfree Gummy Bears?
His Buddy: Yeah, here's a bag. Don't forget to only have a few.
Constipated Man: (Proceeds to eat entire 8-ounce bag)
TWO HOURS LATER
Constipated Man: (Laying on the floor crying) OMFGSATAN OPENED A PORTAL TO HELL IN MY ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!