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Defecate deficit 

'Dude, this defecate deficit is still going strong- I've eaten a kilo of prunes and still no joy. The poor toilet is going to look like Hiroshima when it does finally come. Desperate times require desperate measures so I'm thinking I probably need to gouge it out with a long narrow implement. That reminds me, you should buy a new toothbrush..'
Daily ritual of emptying ones bowels.

NOTE: Should only ever be performed on company time.
Dad always taught me ....."make sure you're always paid to defecate son"

poop
defecate by fretbuzz August 30, 2016

desperate af 

When you will literally suck anybody's dick to get what you want. Be it a subway sandwich or a light for you cigarette.
"If you let me touch your girls breast, I will give you a suck."

"Patrick what is wrong with you; you are desperate af"
desperate af by Youknowwhothisisjamed September 20, 2017

self deprecating 

Insulting; devaluing; or belittling oneself, often in a sarcastic or humorous way.
Young girls are so self deprecating. They never talk about anything but their flaws.

Tate: I have to cancel our plans this weekend!
Lana: Don't worry about it; I'm an expert when it comes to spending weekends alone.
Tate: You're so self deprecating sometimes, Lana.
self deprecating by Kellyisawin! December 2, 2013

Desperate 

feeling, showing, or involving a hopeless sense that a situation is so bad as to be impossible to deal with. A desperate person is a person that needs or wants something badly. someone who is to hopeless and just gives up. someone who is despairing, hopeless; anguished, distressed, wretched, desolate, forlorn, distraught, fraught; (of an act or attempt) tried in despair or when everything else has failed; having little hope of success. (of a situation) extremely bad, serious, or dangerous.
Brock is so desperate he needs someone's phone badly to text his friend for help.
Desperate by TheAwesomeJUNK November 3, 2018

deplicate  

To render unsolvable. To make impossible to solve.
"You burned five of my puzzle pieces, why did you have to go and deplicate my puzzle like that?"
deplicate by MrCryptic December 17, 2008