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can you tell me where's the candy?

The old days, when this was your biggest problem.
"Man, I can't deal with any of this! Remember when our biggest problem was where the candy aisle was in a grocery store? CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE'S THE CANDY?"

officer's candy 

1. United States Navy term used by sailors to describe the scented cake placed in urinals.
1. I pissed on the officer's candy.
officer's candy by Buttfuckme September 18, 2018

Pete Strict's candy

Discipline, usually harsh. Originating in Appalachian slang.
"If you don't behave you'll get Pete Strict's candy for sure."

Eat her Piniata's Candy 

Man yesterday emily let me eat her Piniata's candy

Granny's Candy 

When an older woman (65 or older) squirts into an ice cube tray, freezes it, and gives it to a younger male, claiming it is hard candy.
Chris: Beatrice granny's candy-ed James the other day and he got so pissed.

Mike: (Twitter post) Just caught my grandma trying to give my friend some granny's candy. #squirtinyourmouth
Granny's Candy by Mattj June 29, 2014

Devil's Candy 

Practically, any substance that gives a pleasure, but is also deadly and dangerous. Therefore, it's labeled as such, trapped in dogmas, and/or under any kind of doctrine. Illegal, unsafe, unhealthy, deadly, risky, etc.
Person A: Have you ever tried some Devil's Candy?
Person B: No, what's that?
Person A: I've got some Heroin, an Afghan Brown, at a cheap price. Trust me, it's the best piece of candy you'd ever try!
Person B: OH!.. HOW MUCH?
Devil's Candy by moozymathers January 15, 2019