Asymptoting 

In mathematics, an asymptote is a line that continually approaches a given curve but does not meet it at any finite distance. In other words, though it curves towards zero, it approaches it indefinitely and never actually reaches it.

Asymptoting describes the phenomenon in which despite the regular passage of time, your relative perception of time appears to slow as you get closer to an event, date, time, etc. Because the line never reaches zero, but travels towards it for infinity, you too feel as if you will infinitely travel towards something that you will never reach. Much like the phenomenon of running towards a door in a dream, but never quite reaching it even though you are covering ground.

Rocko couldn't believe his luck! He had just won an all-expenses paid trip to visit Paris, where he could finally meet the girl of his dreams, Claudette! The only problem was that the trip was a whole month away! Poor Rocko. He was so excited to go, that one month felt like six. Time dragged on. Rocko was asymptoting. HARD.

"Why is this year asymptoting?!" Filburt lamented. "I can't wait for it to be over! Oh fishsticks!"

Heffer hated weekly team meetings at the Chokey Chicken. "I'm getting hungry!" Heffer thought to himself. "Surely thirty minutes must have passed." He looked at the clock. To his dismay, only six minutes had gone by. Heffer heard his stomach growl. "Even my stomach is asymptoting!" he thought.

Ed Bighead dutifully went to work every day, dreaming of a day in which he could finally get "the big office." In his younger days, Ed felt a sense of accomplishment with his work at Conglom-O. But now that Ed was pushing 55, he instead felt himself asymptoting; working endlessly towards a goal he would never meet.

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Asymptoting by Justine the Christmas Elf November 18, 2019

Asymptoting 

The art of hitting an almost empty dab cart and mentally willing it to never reach a level of zero, no matter how empty it looks.

“Yo dude can I rip ur cart?” It’s almost empty but you can try asymptoting it.

Asymptoting by therealtarzan January 10, 2021

asymptotic boyfriend 

A boy who you are making out with, who approaches the state of boyfriend - without ever reaching it.

"My asymptotic boyfriend Matt continued to introduce me as his friend whenever we ran into people he knew while we were out, despite having been dating for a couple of months."

asymptotic boyfriend by carlygoodman July 30, 2007

Asymptotic Sexual 

A type of sexuality where one participates in nearly all sexual acts, except intercourse. Individuals of this lifestyle are willing to "do things" up until a certain point, but never cross that line or axis of actual intercourse, much like how an asymtote is a curved line that increasingly approaches and axis, but never cross (or penetrate) that line. Mutual masturbation, fellatio, cunninglingus, etc are all fair game, but one's virginity is maintained.

Also called Asymsexual.

Because Mary believes in stupid promise rings, she won't have sex until marriage. However, everything else is fair game, including blowies and anal. She is a total Asymptotic Sexual.

Asymptotic Sexual by ProfessorOtter December 1, 2013

Asymptotism 

The philosophy asymptotism is the belief that nothing ever happens or ever will happen. Everyone around you always tells you something huge is going to happen, but nothing ever truly happens.

Different from nihilism which is the belief that nothing matters, asymptotism describes the world as a place of inflated expression. Events which are exclaimed groundbreaking or world-threatening are always made but do not represent reality and often carry heavy assumptions which twist the truth in order to gain attention.

Asymptotism acknowledges that while significant events may occur around you, the vast majority don’t involve or affect you and therefore you shouldn’t worry about them. Asymptotism leads to a way of life that allows you to live calm and unstressed because you know nothing happens or ever will happen.

I saw on the news that the world is about to end, but asymptotism taught me nothing ever happen so I just went back to living my life.

Asymptotism by T0ney8 May 30, 2024