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no news is the truth 

An ambiguous statement, meaning variously that all news is in some measure false, that an absence of received information on a given topic is meaningful, or that there is no greater reality than nothingness; take your pick, add your own.
"Has the jury reached a verdict yet?"
"They've been deliberating for months, and no news is the truth."

Scratch me up the till, Mum 

When you are surprised or delighted at something that may excite you. Often used in a sexual manner. British.
Scratch me up the till, Mum, that dress is practically see through.

Neil banging out the tunes

‘Neil banging out the tunes’ refers to an image of a bald-looking rat in front of a toy keyboard captioned ‘Neil banging out the tunes April 13th, 2006’. It has become particularly popular in the Lemon Demon fandom, as Neil Cicierega shares a name with this meme.
Tumblr poster: holy shit it’s April 13th you know what that means
Everyone else: oh no
Neil banging out the tunes: hi

Never put a stone on the table. 

Daniel's principle states that when one puts out a heavy topic at the communal table, one is either seeking attention or trying to instigate trouble.
Even when the conversation lulls, never put a stone on the table.

Two fingers, add the tit. 

Two fingers, add the tit is a double espresso with a shot of warm cream.
If it is ok I would like Two fingers, add the tit. To go please.

kalidescope slay slay bark bark renegade the third 

A dinosaur that loves to be ridden *smirk* NOT THAT WAY SILLY *laughs ass off* now I don’t have an ass *cries in dinosaur* these dinosaurs were often gay and loved doing little girls they also had no ass like me cavemen would ride them to their work like in the flintstones
Wow what’s that with no ass riding six little girls

Why that’s a kalidescope slay slay bark bark renegade the third.