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An unknown action that somehow is necessary to life. Shocking events, positive or negative, sometimes inhibit a person from being able to 'even', resulting in the person 'literally dying'.

Scholars are unsure about what bodily functions are described by the word 'even'.
I'm literally dying because I can't even.

That event that unfolded before my eyes was so startling and against my expectations, that I have lost all my ability to even. Please call an ambulance.
by The Almaster July 17, 2014
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5
He is the sexiest most awesome guy in school will always make you laugh in weird situations but don't ever fuck with him.
"Man Evens is funny also kinda cute I might need to bring by my place later."
by Annoymous? March 06, 2017
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6
First used by Thirstin Howl III, it means that you have smoked, drank and snorted so much that you ain't high, you even.
I had a little bit of that green, a little bit of that brown, I'm just even.
by sawlid September 11, 2003
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7
Among multiple meanings, even is used sometimes on the internet (most prominently Tumblr) as the ability to understand an idea that may seem too complicated for that person's intelligence, most often in a negative manner.
by KoopaTroopaKing December 31, 2014
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