Shucksey Darners

A shucksey darner is basically just a yocal or community of yocals that, due to geographic isolation, have only ever been able to receive the Disney Channel for generations. An allopatric speciation has occurred, and unbeknownst to the community, the entirety of their collective vocabularies had been commuted to a single, three page lexicon. Words such as jinkies, shucks, darn, phooey, gee willikers, and jeepers had become the harshest exclamations one could receive from a shucksey darner. Not only did their communal vernacular diminish, the behaviors and mannerisms each one exhibited, without exception, would include dragging a foot in the dirt while staring down as they sheepishly whisper "garsh or golly." Every member of a shucksey darner community will share in each other's embarrassment, shame, guilt, humiliation, remorse, and stigma as if it were them who were the transgressors. If one were to pass loud gas, it would come to pass that it was everyone who did the dirt. Likewise, were one to accidentally fall penis-first into their neighbor's old lady, it would come to pass that everybody, even those without a penis, had accidentally stuck it in young Mrs. Floozy-Tramp. Research is still underway to discern whether these characteristics were the product of inbreeding, or from the curtailed source of stimuli available to that region.

I have an unassailable alibi ready at all times now that I know about those shucksey darners living up on White Mountain. Those hayseeds are incapable of understanding dishonesty, so I would just have to make a pinky swear with the go-funny eye girl that I had been peeling the taters round back this whole time.

by Jeepers McGillicutty March 11, 2023

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