OD Smith's definitions

Backne

A condition familiar to bodybuilders and WWE employees: acne grows on their back which, coincidentally, is where they inject their steroids.

"Look at the backne on Bobby Lashley - it's like the Pyrinees!"

by OD Smith September 29, 2007

townie

The old word for chav which, frankly, sounds a lot better and less self-consciously constructed to sound obnoxious by a group of journalists on a slow July nesday.

"Oh great, another pack of townies coming to kick my head in because I don't conform to their world view."

by OD Smith March 18, 2005

work placement

Another charming aspect of being on New Deal. After a certain amount of time on one of their ridiculous excuses for a training course, they decide to send out "students" on Wok Placement - ignoring the question of how, exactly, can you find paid work when you're stuck in a fucking office all day and not being paid for a second of it.

Essentially, it proves slavery is alive and well in the First World, as well as helping corrupt capitalists make a shitload of money at your expense? How? Put it this way - would Tesco want to hire ten people to stack their shelves for a salary every year, or a steady stream of unpaid labour from delivered from CETS every month to do the same? You work it out.

"I'm afraid you have to go on Work Placement in a place totally unsuited to you just so we don't have to help you find a job, which we're set up for, and help companies get fatter and fatter profits each and every year - which they pay us for."

by OD Smith April 14, 2005

microsoft access

An absolutly evil database programme, which serves no purpose other than driving you clinically insane at a remarkably quick pace.

Never used in the workplace, so it's ppointless to be taught how to use it in GCSE or A-Level IT.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK!!! Why won't it recognise this goddamn formula like a normal person?!?"

by OD Smith March 29, 2005

Anna Kournikova

For several years, the most famous Russian sportsperson for her exploits (or lack thereof) on the tennis courts. In fact, she earned far more money through advertising deals due to being extraordinarily sexy indeed and looking good advertising sports bras and having FHM shoots than anything she did on court. Mainly as she, famously, never won a single tournament but regularly packed the courts at Wimbledon when playing, before retiring at the age of 23.

The success of Maria Sharapova, fit and a good player with a Wimbledon victory aged 19 in 2004 ended comparisons very quickly indeed.

"Come on Anna!" - The average Wimbledon spectator, either showing his support of projecting his sexual fantasy. Probably both.

by OD Smith July 3, 2005

Daily Mail

1.) The Fearmonger's Bible.
2.) A paper for Middle Class, Middle Aged, Middle Englanders' wives.
3.) Where bad journalists go to get paid employment.
4.) Not a tabloid, honest.

1.) "Britain is being overrun by terrorists/asylum seekers/alcopops/video nasties/Lee Bowyer..."
2.) "My word, dear. Britain appears to be overrun by terrorists/asylum seekers/alcopops/video nasties/Lee Bowyer..."
3.) "I have no journalistic integrity whatsoever, so I'll state that Britain is being overrun by terrorists/asylum seekers/alcopops/video nasties/Lee Bowyer..."
4.) "We state the Truth, such as 'Britain is being overrun by terrorists/asylum seekers/alcopops/video nasties/Lee Bowyer...', which you won't see in The Sun."

by OD Smith April 8, 2005

Al Jean

The man who, since becoming executive producer on The Simpsons, has overseen it go from one of the funniest and well-written shows on TV crammed with sharp observations on the minutiae of modern life, to an endless procession of puerile humour, needless celebrity cameos, and the feeling they haven’t done any work on the script after the initial draft before chucking it on TV.

Al Jean will be forever remembered as the person responsible for The Simpsons being an embarassing shadow of its former self.

by OD Smith January 10, 2009