Maxhole's definitions
That kitten attacks anything that moves. My hands are completely shredded, but I can't stay mad because he's so cute. He's a snaptious little snodgepocker.
by Maxhole June 23, 2009
Get the snaptious mug.snodgepocker (snodj pock er) NOUN. An annoying but endearing creature. Or is it endearing but annoying? Either way, you want to smack them, but can't because they are too Goddamned cute.
Like the cutest, fluffiest little kitten who keeps climbing up your legs and back with his needle-sharp claws to sit on your shoulder and purr.
Her- "How did he get stuck inside the piano?"
Him- "How? He's a hedgehog, that's what they do, look for dark places to curl up and sleep. And take a crap."
Her- "HE CRAPPED INSIDE MY PIANO!?"
(He pulls him out of the piano).
Him- "Sorry about that. Yeah, in't he a cute little snodgepocker?"
Her- "Ohhh... look at that little nosie!"
Him- "So... should we keep him, or call the Humane Society?"
Her- "He's making little piggy noises! We can't just give him away!"
Him- "So, what do you want to name him?"
Her- "Fluffy. Either Fluffy, or Shithead."
Him- "Welcome to the family, Shithead."
Her- "Can I hold him?"
Him- "Get your own damn hedgehog."
(she stands, staring.)
Him- "Shouldn't you be cleaning the shit out of your piano?"
Her- "I changed my mind about his name. I think he's more of a Fluffy."
Him- "Fluffy it is. Welcome to the family, Fluffy."
Her- "From now on, YOU'RE the one I'm calling Shithead."
Him- "There you go, sweet talkin' me again."
Her- "Just hand over the goddam hedgehog, Shithead."
Him- "OK. Here. Careful."
(He puts the hedgehog in her hands).
Her- "OW! Ow! What the fuck?! I am bleeding! You little fucker!"
Him- "The spines are sharp."
Her- "Ja think!?"
Him- "I told you to be careful."
Her- "He's grunting! What does that mean?"
Him- "It means he's hungry. I'll get him some food."
Her- "Oh, no you're not. I'M getting Fluffy's food. Aren't I , Fluffy? Fluffy says yes."
Him- "I'm coming along."
Her- "No, Fluffy says that Mr. Shithead should stay here to clean Fluffy's crap out of my piano. Doesn't he? Yesss he does."
Him- (grumbling) "Fucking hedgehog always takes her side."
Her- "How did he get stuck inside the piano?"
Him- "How? He's a hedgehog, that's what they do, look for dark places to curl up and sleep. And take a crap."
Her- "HE CRAPPED INSIDE MY PIANO!?"
(He pulls him out of the piano).
Him- "Sorry about that. Yeah, in't he a cute little snodgepocker?"
Her- "Ohhh... look at that little nosie!"
Him- "So... should we keep him, or call the Humane Society?"
Her- "He's making little piggy noises! We can't just give him away!"
Him- "So, what do you want to name him?"
Her- "Fluffy. Either Fluffy, or Shithead."
Him- "Welcome to the family, Shithead."
Her- "Can I hold him?"
Him- "Get your own damn hedgehog."
(she stands, staring.)
Him- "Shouldn't you be cleaning the shit out of your piano?"
Her- "I changed my mind about his name. I think he's more of a Fluffy."
Him- "Fluffy it is. Welcome to the family, Fluffy."
Her- "From now on, YOU'RE the one I'm calling Shithead."
Him- "There you go, sweet talkin' me again."
Her- "Just hand over the goddam hedgehog, Shithead."
Him- "OK. Here. Careful."
(He puts the hedgehog in her hands).
Her- "OW! Ow! What the fuck?! I am bleeding! You little fucker!"
Him- "The spines are sharp."
Her- "Ja think!?"
Him- "I told you to be careful."
Her- "He's grunting! What does that mean?"
Him- "It means he's hungry. I'll get him some food."
Her- "Oh, no you're not. I'M getting Fluffy's food. Aren't I , Fluffy? Fluffy says yes."
Him- "I'm coming along."
Her- "No, Fluffy says that Mr. Shithead should stay here to clean Fluffy's crap out of my piano. Doesn't he? Yesss he does."
Him- (grumbling) "Fucking hedgehog always takes her side."
by Maxhole June 23, 2009
Get the snodgepocker mug.Him- Fuck, Fuck, FUUUCCK! I ccccan't even strike a fffucking mmmatch!
Her- Let me tttry.
Him- Fffine, you tttry it!
Her- My ffffingers aren't working, they're tttoo cccold. Goddammit! I dropped the mmmatches.
Him- Ddddon't get all spagitated.
Her- I'm not spagitated, it's just freezing and you kkkkeep shouting.
Him- Sorry. Hey...
Her- Cut it out, I'm trying to start a fire.
Him- So am I.
Her- Oh! MMmmmmm.
Him- Waitaminute... Gggoddamn fucking zipper... WORK, DAMN YOU!
Her- Now who's spagitated?
(Loud ripping sound)
Her- Well, that's ONE way to get your jacket off.
Him- Shut up and kkkiss me.
Her- Let me tttry.
Him- Fffine, you tttry it!
Her- My ffffingers aren't working, they're tttoo cccold. Goddammit! I dropped the mmmatches.
Him- Ddddon't get all spagitated.
Her- I'm not spagitated, it's just freezing and you kkkkeep shouting.
Him- Sorry. Hey...
Her- Cut it out, I'm trying to start a fire.
Him- So am I.
Her- Oh! MMmmmmm.
Him- Waitaminute... Gggoddamn fucking zipper... WORK, DAMN YOU!
Her- Now who's spagitated?
(Loud ripping sound)
Her- Well, that's ONE way to get your jacket off.
Him- Shut up and kkkiss me.
by Maxhole June 23, 2009
Get the spagitated mug.payhole (pey hole) NOUN. A body orifice used to earn money, i.e. a mouth, vagina, anus, nostrils or ears.
Dick- Oh, stick it in your payhole, Jane.
Jane- Which one?
Dick- How many payholes do you have?
Jane- Seven.
Dick- WTF?! You do not!
Jane- (counting off her fingers.) Pussy is one, asshole is two, mouth is three, right ear is four, left ear is five, right nostril is six, left nostril makes seven.
Dick- How much do you charge for a nostrilfuck?
Jane- Right or left?
Dick- is there a difference?
Jane- Righty tighty, lefty loosey, as daddy used to say.
Dick- Your daddy is a sick fuck.
Jane- That must be why I'm with you, Dick.
Dick- You know how much I hate it when you're smarter than me.
Jane- OHHHH, so that's why you're always trying to fuck my brains out. And I thought you liked me.
Dick- Get real. I'm only with you because you give great nose. C'mere, you.
(snorting noises, laughter)
Dick- THAT WAS AWESOME!!!
Jane- I do what I can.
Dick- I want to take you home to meet Mom.
Jane- What's she like?
Dick- Well, her left nostril is a lot bigger than her right one...
Jane- Which one?
Dick- How many payholes do you have?
Jane- Seven.
Dick- WTF?! You do not!
Jane- (counting off her fingers.) Pussy is one, asshole is two, mouth is three, right ear is four, left ear is five, right nostril is six, left nostril makes seven.
Dick- How much do you charge for a nostrilfuck?
Jane- Right or left?
Dick- is there a difference?
Jane- Righty tighty, lefty loosey, as daddy used to say.
Dick- Your daddy is a sick fuck.
Jane- That must be why I'm with you, Dick.
Dick- You know how much I hate it when you're smarter than me.
Jane- OHHHH, so that's why you're always trying to fuck my brains out. And I thought you liked me.
Dick- Get real. I'm only with you because you give great nose. C'mere, you.
(snorting noises, laughter)
Dick- THAT WAS AWESOME!!!
Jane- I do what I can.
Dick- I want to take you home to meet Mom.
Jane- What's she like?
Dick- Well, her left nostril is a lot bigger than her right one...
by Maxhole June 22, 2009
Get the payhole mug.pervertical (per vur tih kul) ADJECTIVE. To be like a pervert. To have something in common with a deviant mind. Being aligned with demented and dangerous ideas.
Neil- So I fired my degaussing cannon, which erased all her bank cards. She was stuck in the middle of Shitsville with no money and no way to get home. Know what I did next?
Tommy- You gave her a hundred bucks so she'd give you her phone number so she could pay you back. And maybe give you a gratitude fuck.
Neil- HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
Tommy- We're pervertical.
Neil- Yeah, we kinda are.
Tommy- So, did you fuck her?
Neil- Nah, I want to sabotage her car and rescue her from a burning building first. Then she'll REALLY let me do all kinds of sick shit on her.
Tommy- You're such a romantic.
Tommy- You gave her a hundred bucks so she'd give you her phone number so she could pay you back. And maybe give you a gratitude fuck.
Neil- HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
Tommy- We're pervertical.
Neil- Yeah, we kinda are.
Tommy- So, did you fuck her?
Neil- Nah, I want to sabotage her car and rescue her from a burning building first. Then she'll REALLY let me do all kinds of sick shit on her.
Tommy- You're such a romantic.
by Maxhole June 22, 2009
Get the pervertical mug.When Feinstein was a city supervisor, she got the mayor's job because he was assassinated.
While mayor of San Francisco, her husband owned a fuckton of rental property downtown, and quadrupled his net worth. Her money more than doubled.
Now that she's on the Senate Committees on defense, intelligence and homeland security, her husband's company has all these Iraq and Afghanistan construction projects. She votes with Republicans for war to send more money to her hubby.
She oozed her way into office and nothing sticks to her protective coating of slime.
She's not a Democrat, she's a Phlegmocrat.
While mayor of San Francisco, her husband owned a fuckton of rental property downtown, and quadrupled his net worth. Her money more than doubled.
Now that she's on the Senate Committees on defense, intelligence and homeland security, her husband's company has all these Iraq and Afghanistan construction projects. She votes with Republicans for war to send more money to her hubby.
She oozed her way into office and nothing sticks to her protective coating of slime.
She's not a Democrat, she's a Phlegmocrat.
by Maxhole June 22, 2009
Get the Phlegmocrat mug.I told Kristen that she was a lovely person, except for the ignorance and the lying and the bigotry and the cowardice. I said I'd be happy to talk with her when she learns a thing or two. Give it 20 or 30 years. The pignorant little bitch.
by Maxhole June 22, 2009
Get the pignorant mug.