Definitions by Kodiac1
Robert the Bruce
Robert the Bruce was allowed to be King of Scotland after apologising to Mel Gibson for trying to kill him as a sort of witty joke. Encouraged by an encounter with a spider on the Isle of Arran, he burned his bannocks or "boxer shorts" in front of the English Army, and proceeded to slaughter them because of his ingenious rules of battle (whereby anyone who correctly guessed their enemy's nationality was allowed "free hits").
One day Robert the Bruce is coming back, and then certain people will be in big trouble. He will sort everything out. He will tell us what to do. He will buy us presents. He will let us bring in games instead of doing work, and he will give out mini Mars Bars for those who please him. He is not really dead, this is a vicious and unsubstantiated rumour propounded by the same scientists who claim that dinosaurs are extinct.
This is not a joke and is deadly serious. Also he will let us have a go on his horse.
One day Robert the Bruce is coming back, and then certain people will be in big trouble. He will sort everything out. He will tell us what to do. He will buy us presents. He will let us bring in games instead of doing work, and he will give out mini Mars Bars for those who please him. He is not really dead, this is a vicious and unsubstantiated rumour propounded by the same scientists who claim that dinosaurs are extinct.
This is not a joke and is deadly serious. Also he will let us have a go on his horse.
Robert the Bruce by kodiac1 July 4, 2006
x64
x64 is a part of the lost Ultimate Question to Life, the Universe and Everything, to which the answer is 42.
It all started when AMD attempted to uncover the Ultimate Question, despite the version of the Uncertainty Principle (discovered by Douglas Adams) which stated that the Ultimate Question and the Ultimate Answer cannot be known in the same universe. So far, the only known part of the Ultimate Question was "x86".
To accomplish this task, AMD constructed a marketing hoax called Opteron, a hoax so wise that it was often mistaken for a processor (or a decepticon). After several years of promotion, during which nobody actually saw Opteron, it was calculated that the "x86" part of the Ultimate Question is correct, and another part was discovered, so the result was elongated to "x86-64". AMD proudly patented this nonsense by the name of AMD64.
Meanwhile, Intel has been performing its own calculations of the Ultimate Question and Answer. At first it appeared that the assumption of the Ultimate Question being 42 was incorrect, and in fact it was 32. Windows operated, albeit not successfully enough, under that assumption. Intel admitted that x86 is indeed a part of the Ultimate Question, but did not acknowledge the "-64" addition, for it had already been pushing its own "IA-64" architecture (see Itanium), not compatible with x86, which Intel preferred to call "IA-32". Well, actually it was compatible, if you were satisfied with Half-Life 2 producing 0.1 FPS, but it turned out that this was not the compatibility people were looking for.
Eventually, after the introduction of Athlon 64—oddly enough, a real processor this time—Intel reconsidered. They found nothing better than to pretend that x86-64 spport was always in their Pentiums, but AMD stole it all and called it AMD64. And of course, they found nothing better than to introduce yet another name. Since IA-64 was taken, they used a randomly generated abbreviation, namely EM64T. Each EM64T processor shipped with a sticker that read, "People, we know IA-64 was a mistake. Honest. Just buy our processor and not AMD's, pleeease!"
For Microsoft, this was not sufficient. At first, they were with Intel, as they always had been, but they thought that between IA-64, x86-64, AMD64 and EM64T, customers would not understand the advantages of the new approach. So x64 was introduced to replace "x86-64" in the Ultimate Question, as a matter of political correctness between AMD and Intel. It allowed Microsoft to finally, using a cluster of Opterons, Xeons and other nonexistent (for the common user) processors, reverse engineer the Ultimate Equation:
0.65625x64=42
Some people still call it x86-64, though, despite the fact that the Ultimate Equation becomes infinite with such an approach. But don't worry, these include just some insignificant individuals, like Linus Torvalds. It's barely noteworthy on Wikipedia.
And in the end, all Microsoft wrought is perhaps convincing people that x86 is better than x64, because it's larger.
It all started when AMD attempted to uncover the Ultimate Question, despite the version of the Uncertainty Principle (discovered by Douglas Adams) which stated that the Ultimate Question and the Ultimate Answer cannot be known in the same universe. So far, the only known part of the Ultimate Question was "x86".
To accomplish this task, AMD constructed a marketing hoax called Opteron, a hoax so wise that it was often mistaken for a processor (or a decepticon). After several years of promotion, during which nobody actually saw Opteron, it was calculated that the "x86" part of the Ultimate Question is correct, and another part was discovered, so the result was elongated to "x86-64". AMD proudly patented this nonsense by the name of AMD64.
Meanwhile, Intel has been performing its own calculations of the Ultimate Question and Answer. At first it appeared that the assumption of the Ultimate Question being 42 was incorrect, and in fact it was 32. Windows operated, albeit not successfully enough, under that assumption. Intel admitted that x86 is indeed a part of the Ultimate Question, but did not acknowledge the "-64" addition, for it had already been pushing its own "IA-64" architecture (see Itanium), not compatible with x86, which Intel preferred to call "IA-32". Well, actually it was compatible, if you were satisfied with Half-Life 2 producing 0.1 FPS, but it turned out that this was not the compatibility people were looking for.
Eventually, after the introduction of Athlon 64—oddly enough, a real processor this time—Intel reconsidered. They found nothing better than to pretend that x86-64 spport was always in their Pentiums, but AMD stole it all and called it AMD64. And of course, they found nothing better than to introduce yet another name. Since IA-64 was taken, they used a randomly generated abbreviation, namely EM64T. Each EM64T processor shipped with a sticker that read, "People, we know IA-64 was a mistake. Honest. Just buy our processor and not AMD's, pleeease!"
For Microsoft, this was not sufficient. At first, they were with Intel, as they always had been, but they thought that between IA-64, x86-64, AMD64 and EM64T, customers would not understand the advantages of the new approach. So x64 was introduced to replace "x86-64" in the Ultimate Question, as a matter of political correctness between AMD and Intel. It allowed Microsoft to finally, using a cluster of Opterons, Xeons and other nonexistent (for the common user) processors, reverse engineer the Ultimate Equation:
0.65625x64=42
Some people still call it x86-64, though, despite the fact that the Ultimate Equation becomes infinite with such an approach. But don't worry, these include just some insignificant individuals, like Linus Torvalds. It's barely noteworthy on Wikipedia.
And in the end, all Microsoft wrought is perhaps convincing people that x86 is better than x64, because it's larger.
Dollar Tree
The Dollar Tree is a rare tree found in
* Bill Gates' backyard
* The White House
* Kentucky
* Sims 2
It will grow you FREE money. On occasion, it will grow crappy merchendise such as plastic food. The seeds will be found in certain parts of Ireland. How do you think leprichauns get so many pots of gold? Yeah... Dollar Trees.
The Dollar Tree grows only in the warm climate of Kentucky or special patches which have been discovered by special people like Bill Gates. It is required to be watered five times a week and must be feed with a mixture of ground credit cards and crumbled checks. Mix it in with ground diamond powder. Wash, rince, repeat. After about a month, the tree will be fully grown. When harvested, the money you make will be $1,000,000. After a few years, you will be as rich as Bill Gates and possibly even have 99.9999999999999% of all the money in the world! Bad seasons will replace all of the money with crappy toys and stuff. There is a legend of a company who likes to steal the stuff and sell it in retail stores all over the USA! But there has been no evidence of this. and did you know... that dollar trees are incredibly well known in us
Fun Facts
* This is where money gets the green color
* Special edition Dollar Trees will give you gold!
* Slightly less special trees will give you silver.
* the doller tree is related to cotton, and jeans.
* Bill Gates' backyard
* The White House
* Kentucky
* Sims 2
It will grow you FREE money. On occasion, it will grow crappy merchendise such as plastic food. The seeds will be found in certain parts of Ireland. How do you think leprichauns get so many pots of gold? Yeah... Dollar Trees.
The Dollar Tree grows only in the warm climate of Kentucky or special patches which have been discovered by special people like Bill Gates. It is required to be watered five times a week and must be feed with a mixture of ground credit cards and crumbled checks. Mix it in with ground diamond powder. Wash, rince, repeat. After about a month, the tree will be fully grown. When harvested, the money you make will be $1,000,000. After a few years, you will be as rich as Bill Gates and possibly even have 99.9999999999999% of all the money in the world! Bad seasons will replace all of the money with crappy toys and stuff. There is a legend of a company who likes to steal the stuff and sell it in retail stores all over the USA! But there has been no evidence of this. and did you know... that dollar trees are incredibly well known in us
Fun Facts
* This is where money gets the green color
* Special edition Dollar Trees will give you gold!
* Slightly less special trees will give you silver.
* the doller tree is related to cotton, and jeans.
Dollar Tree by kodiac1 July 4, 2006
Butter knife
A butter knife is a knife made from butter. As knives go it's pretty good as long as you keep it very cold.
Waaaay back before the Bronze Age, there is no evidence of butter implements being used. However, we are sure that the cavemen used butter knives of a rudimentary design. Unfortunately for archaeologists, global warming of the earth over the past few thousand years has caused all ancient butter knives to melt. All that is left are a few knife-shaped grease stains. I wish people would stop warming thier bloody globals, it's causing untold damage.
We do know that the Neanderthals used butter spears to kill their prey, and butter arrows and quivers were used in the middle ages. Evidence for this has been found in the European Butter Mountains.
Waaaay back before the Bronze Age, there is no evidence of butter implements being used. However, we are sure that the cavemen used butter knives of a rudimentary design. Unfortunately for archaeologists, global warming of the earth over the past few thousand years has caused all ancient butter knives to melt. All that is left are a few knife-shaped grease stains. I wish people would stop warming thier bloody globals, it's causing untold damage.
We do know that the Neanderthals used butter spears to kill their prey, and butter arrows and quivers were used in the middle ages. Evidence for this has been found in the European Butter Mountains.
How to make a butter knife:
Take some fresh dairy butter and sharpen the butter until razor sharp. Keep in the fridge.
Take some fresh dairy butter and sharpen the butter until razor sharp. Keep in the fridge.
Butter knife by kodiac1 July 4, 2006
new
New is a synthetic material and it was originally developed as a rubber replacement. But it is nowadays used everywhere from igloos to spandex pants and it has mostly replaced old. The first new factories were located in Jersey. Later there were so much new production there that people called it humorously New Jersey. Nowadays there is a movement lead by Ashton Kutcher against using new because large corporations are accused of using child labour in the production of new. If you have a lot of otherwise useless old you can polish it with new.
New is manufactured and sold all over the world, but it can sometimes be rather expensive. In that case old can be a good substitute of new. If you are really handy you can make new yourself.
New is manufactured and sold all over the world, but it can sometimes be rather expensive. In that case old can be a good substitute of new. If you are really handy you can make new yourself.
Laser kittens
Laser kittens were created when a horde of killer robots dumped live kittens in nuclear waste. Most of the test kittens were severley injured and used for kitten huffing but some could shoot laser beams from there eyes. After more laser kittens were made the kittens revolted turning all the robots into melted metal. After this the laser kittens had no home so they turned to Super Jesus. Super Jesus started caring for them and turned them into his minions of doom.
This large battle took place in Tokyo like in most monster fights the Japanese just stood and pointed. Oprah had help from Mothra and Mecha Buddha. Many kittens were slain by the merciless hands of Oprah. The fight ended when Super Jesus came to the aid of the laser kittens. Fire not neccesary to make kittens!
One of the saddest things about the laser kittens is that Richard Simmons will routinley shave the kittens for thier hair, in an effort to enlarge his white man fro. After the shaving sequnce is complete, he slays the kittens and turns them into puppets. He uses these puppets to help coreograph his dancing to the oldies video series.
This large battle took place in Tokyo like in most monster fights the Japanese just stood and pointed. Oprah had help from Mothra and Mecha Buddha. Many kittens were slain by the merciless hands of Oprah. The fight ended when Super Jesus came to the aid of the laser kittens. Fire not neccesary to make kittens!
One of the saddest things about the laser kittens is that Richard Simmons will routinley shave the kittens for thier hair, in an effort to enlarge his white man fro. After the shaving sequnce is complete, he slays the kittens and turns them into puppets. He uses these puppets to help coreograph his dancing to the oldies video series.
Laser kittens by kodiac1 July 4, 2006
directX
The Microsoft DirectX Window System (nicknamed "direct hex" by programmers) is an implementation of the X Window System for, unsurprisingly, Windows. It offers superior video output performance on the ATI and NVidia processors and inferior video output performance on all other processors, including the ones from AMD and Intel. It should be noted that Microsoft doesn't participate in either holy war, instead preferring to remain completely neutral in the question of vendor preference. For another example of Microsoft's neutrality, see x64.
DirectX differs from the official X implementation, which is stolen from XFree86, in the following minor details:
* It isn't stolen. Theoretically, nobody can steal it as well, and practically, nobody cares. Occasionally, the Free Sockpuppet Foundation goes nuts and shouts, "You Wine heretics, you stole it all, you gave up to the evil empire, we're doooomed!!" but it's been quite a while since anyone actually listened to them.
* It has made Ctrl-Alt-Del a well-known key combo.
* It is object-oriented to the point of granularity, passing thru your hands if not micromanaged a small grain at a time in order to produce the smallest of inputs. Its object orientation is language-independent, but crappy in the one true language. Unless you manage to find a cool wrapper library, which will immediately slow down performance almost to the point when you forget about your games and enjoy a slideshow.
* It is easy to use. Seriously. You only need to download a 200 MB SDK and forever forget about these*** stupid->IID_IPointers. It's slightly easier to use than OpenGL without downloading the SDK, which is a significant argument in favor of DirectX as downloading an SDK is no longer a problem in the digital millennium. Until you try to port your application.
* It doesn't include a window management system, there is already one in Windows and we are trying to be as minimalistic as possible. You cannot find an X system distribution as small as 20 MB which includes everything you ever need, including Direct1D, Direct2D DirectDraw, Direct3D, Direct4D, DirectSound, DirectShow, DirectHide, DirectInput, DirectPrint, DirectCD, DirectUSB and all the other subsystems for "direct"-ly (through a small, small hardware abstraction layer called Windows device driver and Win32 API) accessing all imaginable hardware. Until the vendor once again misconfigures the driver. But hey, it's not Microsoft's fault.
* Windows Vista finally bundles a DirectX window manager called Aero, which is a significant improvement over the best X window managers on Earth, such as TWM. From this point, DirectX/Aero will support OpenGL natively, eliminating the extra layer called ICD, for a small performance overhead of 50%. (Some say that ICDs can still be used, but Microsoft predicts that nobody will want to have these beautiful, eye-candy window borders to be even temporarily disabled to run some lame attempt on producing a 3D graphics library.
* It does run on your new video card, which is a vast improvement over the official X. The only drawback is that by the time you cover the security holes in the only system it supports one true system, it will be obsolete by at least a dozen new video cards, and all the coolest DirectX business applications will refuse to run on your card, but will run just fine on the card immediately succeeding yours. Until you install that one.
* Unlike X and its evil NPOV'ized some-say-that-it-is-evil spawn OpenGL, whose goal is not to add any functionality unless the hardware vendors and end users are rioting around your company's headquarters, the goal of DirectX is to add as much objects, function calls, layers of abstraction and obfuscated code as possible, regardless of whether any currently existing hardware is actually capable of understanding what DirectX wants from it, let alone doing what's asked. This clearly shows that Microsoft is thinking of the future and introducing innovation, quantity obscuring quality.
DirectX differs from the official X implementation, which is stolen from XFree86, in the following minor details:
* It isn't stolen. Theoretically, nobody can steal it as well, and practically, nobody cares. Occasionally, the Free Sockpuppet Foundation goes nuts and shouts, "You Wine heretics, you stole it all, you gave up to the evil empire, we're doooomed!!" but it's been quite a while since anyone actually listened to them.
* It has made Ctrl-Alt-Del a well-known key combo.
* It is object-oriented to the point of granularity, passing thru your hands if not micromanaged a small grain at a time in order to produce the smallest of inputs. Its object orientation is language-independent, but crappy in the one true language. Unless you manage to find a cool wrapper library, which will immediately slow down performance almost to the point when you forget about your games and enjoy a slideshow.
* It is easy to use. Seriously. You only need to download a 200 MB SDK and forever forget about these*** stupid->IID_IPointers. It's slightly easier to use than OpenGL without downloading the SDK, which is a significant argument in favor of DirectX as downloading an SDK is no longer a problem in the digital millennium. Until you try to port your application.
* It doesn't include a window management system, there is already one in Windows and we are trying to be as minimalistic as possible. You cannot find an X system distribution as small as 20 MB which includes everything you ever need, including Direct1D, Direct2D DirectDraw, Direct3D, Direct4D, DirectSound, DirectShow, DirectHide, DirectInput, DirectPrint, DirectCD, DirectUSB and all the other subsystems for "direct"-ly (through a small, small hardware abstraction layer called Windows device driver and Win32 API) accessing all imaginable hardware. Until the vendor once again misconfigures the driver. But hey, it's not Microsoft's fault.
* Windows Vista finally bundles a DirectX window manager called Aero, which is a significant improvement over the best X window managers on Earth, such as TWM. From this point, DirectX/Aero will support OpenGL natively, eliminating the extra layer called ICD, for a small performance overhead of 50%. (Some say that ICDs can still be used, but Microsoft predicts that nobody will want to have these beautiful, eye-candy window borders to be even temporarily disabled to run some lame attempt on producing a 3D graphics library.
* It does run on your new video card, which is a vast improvement over the official X. The only drawback is that by the time you cover the security holes in the only system it supports one true system, it will be obsolete by at least a dozen new video cards, and all the coolest DirectX business applications will refuse to run on your card, but will run just fine on the card immediately succeeding yours. Until you install that one.
* Unlike X and its evil NPOV'ized some-say-that-it-is-evil spawn OpenGL, whose goal is not to add any functionality unless the hardware vendors and end users are rioting around your company's headquarters, the goal of DirectX is to add as much objects, function calls, layers of abstraction and obfuscated code as possible, regardless of whether any currently existing hardware is actually capable of understanding what DirectX wants from it, let alone doing what's asked. This clearly shows that Microsoft is thinking of the future and introducing innovation, quantity obscuring quality.