FunkyBumpkin's definitions

extreme sports

Highly over-publicized activities that at least half the time are undertaken or discussed by otherwise boring people in a desperate attempt to seem interesting. Posers are extraordinarily abundant, especially inThe Heartland. After all, how the hell does some kid in Nebraska go surfing, or rock-climbing in Iowa?

The purchased experiences of white-water rafting and bungee jumping gave Ned a sense that he was not a vanilla, SUV-driving corporate automaton, but a wild and crazy alpha-male living his life on the edge!

by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005

nice guy

A term used by a female for a male she does not find sexually interesting.

See also: friend or just a friend

One of life's great mysteries is how women can simultaneously complain about inconsiderate man-whores and the impossibility of finding a "nice guy", while sitting across from a hetero male friend who also has similar male friends that she has met but declined to date.

by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005

alpha-male

1) the dominant member of a pack of wolves.
2) any person with a dominating personality, causing the assertion of or struggle for leadership in almost any situation.

While Dubya was busily pretending to be an alpha-male whilst getting coked up and going AWOL from his Air National Guard unit during Vietnam, John Kerry was matter-of-factly leading his swiftboat successfully through enemy fire in true alpha-male form.

by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005

Jaco

A type of a Taco, in which the meat is heavily seasoned with Oregano, and topped with ketchup. Named for a former roommate, Josh, whose family might possibly have invented this idiosyncratic blue-collar Italian variant on the most mainstream of Mexican dishes.

"Why the hell does it smell like chiles and spaghetti in here?"
"Oh, looks like my roommate's been making his famous, weird-ass Jacos."
"What the hell is a Jaco?"
"Here, try"
"Not bad. But who the hell puts oregano & ketchup in their taco mix?"

by FunkyBumpkin April 28, 2005

rock climbing

Of all so-called "extreme sports" (activities that about 1/2 the time are undertaken, or claimed to have been undertaken, by otherwise boring people in a desperate attempt to become interesting), this is probably the trendiest way to give yourself the affectation of ruggedness, danger, physical fitness, etc. Note that most people who express an interest in rock-climbing or purchase incidental gear such as carabiners, have never climbed and never will.

See also: posers, conformity of noncomformity, North Face, bungee jumping.

Inner thought bubble of "extreme sports" Aberzombie, "Dude, all the chicks will be on me if I wear this carabiner on my belt loop and talk about rock climbing! I better buy this magazine so I can look like I know what I'm talking about!"

by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005

gynophobe

1) one who is afraid of women. (this may mutate into outright misogyny if left untreated. An excellent remedy is for a considerate, reasonably sexy, sexually enthusiastic woman to fuck the gynophobe's brains out.)
2) a repressed woman afraid of her own vulva and/or sexuality.
3) an otherwise straight man who is too much of a pussy to perform cunnilingus.

See also: nice guy, prude, double standard, Republican, gangsta.

1) That Joe guy seems pretty nice, but he needs to get laid for all our sakes, he is such a gynophobe!
2) The gynophobes were out in force at the Ladies Bible Study Group.
3) Their sex-life progressing nicely, Alex & Tina bought some Tangerines & Cream lube at the "toy store" to slather on her yoni and get him past his inner gynophobe as he lapped it up that night.

by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005

dirt billy

Much like a hillbilly, but even lower on the scale, since here in Michigan, they don't even have the benefit of a hill's potential scenic value, since the land is so damn flat. These ass-backward bumblefucks are just out the middle of big flat nowhere with nothing but dirt. Characterized by decaying, halfway or completely caved-in barns, various cars or trucks on blocks with weeds growing up through them, "yards" cluttered and basically unmowable from so much junk, extreme ignorance, as well as paranoia in thinking that anybody is actually going to steal or vandalize their broken old crap.

After we went 4-wheeling down his fence-row (not even in the fields), to get to the riding trails, the dirtbilly neighbor came out with his shotgun and threatened to shoot us for "messin with his poperty".

by FunkyBumpkin May 25, 2005