Definitions by FunkyBumpkin
extreme sports
Highly over-publicized activities that at least half the time are undertaken or discussed by otherwise boring people in a desperate attempt to seem interesting. Posers are extraordinarily abundant, especially inThe Heartland. After all, how the hell does some kid in Nebraska go surfing, or rock-climbing in Iowa?
The purchased experiences of white-water rafting and bungee jumping gave Ned a sense that he was not a vanilla, SUV-driving corporate automaton, but a wild and crazy alpha-male living his life on the edge!
extreme sports by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005
Well done
In culinary circles, an ironic term for red meat which has been drastically overcooked, destroying all or most of its flavor and rendering a toughness and texture akin to that of shoe leather.
ORIGINS: In fact, during the Great Depression, many restaurants and diners were unable to purchase enough beef, and began sneaking out at night to carve slices out of the uppers of the shoes & boots of bums sleeping in their doorways. This material was then soaked in a brine for several days, strained, and thrown on the grill just for any customers whose order specified their meat be cooked "fully through, till grey and thoroughly well done". As the most available brand of boots at the time were embossed with their maker's name, "Wellington", some experts believe the term well-done was simply a mistaken attempt to order some more of what the patron believed to be a famous "Wellington" brand steak. Since purchase of a brand name product in those days was associated with wealth and refinement, it is likely that in the early days, those ordering the "Wellington" steaks did so purely as an attempt to one-up their fellows or announce their status, despite its inferior pallatability when compared with less prestigious, non-branded steaks. Over time, the misguided confusion between a Wellington, a well-done, and displays of status became permanently lodged in the culture so that the destruction of otherwise good meat by this pauper's cooking method still persists to this very day.
Other scholars believe this term, or its equivalent, originated when an ancient cave-chef, totally inept at grilling meat, yet trying to get some (insert your favorite euphemism here) from a sexy naive young cave temptress, tried to hide his ineptitude and utter desicration of a choice cut of buffalo or whatever the hell they ate, by responding to her complaints about the meat's dryness and lack of flavor by saying, "You said you liked it cooked well. This is well-done. It is rare to get a steak that can safely be consumed with the center bloody and pinkish-red, and I didn't want you to get food poisoning." Cave languages being somewhat less verbally sophisticated, however, this would probably sound to the modern ear more like "unga bunga", accompanied by various gestures, snorts, and other ape-like movements.
ORIGINS: In fact, during the Great Depression, many restaurants and diners were unable to purchase enough beef, and began sneaking out at night to carve slices out of the uppers of the shoes & boots of bums sleeping in their doorways. This material was then soaked in a brine for several days, strained, and thrown on the grill just for any customers whose order specified their meat be cooked "fully through, till grey and thoroughly well done". As the most available brand of boots at the time were embossed with their maker's name, "Wellington", some experts believe the term well-done was simply a mistaken attempt to order some more of what the patron believed to be a famous "Wellington" brand steak. Since purchase of a brand name product in those days was associated with wealth and refinement, it is likely that in the early days, those ordering the "Wellington" steaks did so purely as an attempt to one-up their fellows or announce their status, despite its inferior pallatability when compared with less prestigious, non-branded steaks. Over time, the misguided confusion between a Wellington, a well-done, and displays of status became permanently lodged in the culture so that the destruction of otherwise good meat by this pauper's cooking method still persists to this very day.
Other scholars believe this term, or its equivalent, originated when an ancient cave-chef, totally inept at grilling meat, yet trying to get some (insert your favorite euphemism here) from a sexy naive young cave temptress, tried to hide his ineptitude and utter desicration of a choice cut of buffalo or whatever the hell they ate, by responding to her complaints about the meat's dryness and lack of flavor by saying, "You said you liked it cooked well. This is well-done. It is rare to get a steak that can safely be consumed with the center bloody and pinkish-red, and I didn't want you to get food poisoning." Cave languages being somewhat less verbally sophisticated, however, this would probably sound to the modern ear more like "unga bunga", accompanied by various gestures, snorts, and other ape-like movements.
Well done by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005
lobotomy
1) removal of the frontal lobe of the brain, causing the "patient" to lose all capacity for higher thought, reason, etc. while still technically not considered a "vegetable".
2) a process that had been deemed unethical and barbaric, but has evidently been stealthily carried out on a truly massive scale, as shown by tell-tale symptoms of lobotomization such as:
"Calvin pissing" stickers, voting Republican, obsessive interest in NASCAR, membership in the NRA (as opposed to responsible hunting, fishing, and conservation groups), calling it "moral values" to tell lies in order to start unnecessary wars that kill or maim tens of thousands of people as well as to lie, cheat, and embezzle in a manner befitting of Enron, Halliburton, Arbusto Energy, or Tyco, to destroy God's Creations with irresponsible & reckless abandon, especially while simultaneously ignoring all principles of science and all available facts in order to promote a theocratic worldview in the guise of "intelligent design" (an indoctrination ironically similar to the Islamic fundamentalist wackos these same so-called Christians purport to be opposed to), promote the hatred of and discrimination against the economically disenfranchised or otherwise most vulnerable members of a society, particularly if it allows titillating discussion of sexual acts these same repressed prudes and closet-cases secretly fetishize under the flimsy pretense of "taking a moral stand".
2) a process that had been deemed unethical and barbaric, but has evidently been stealthily carried out on a truly massive scale, as shown by tell-tale symptoms of lobotomization such as:
"Calvin pissing" stickers, voting Republican, obsessive interest in NASCAR, membership in the NRA (as opposed to responsible hunting, fishing, and conservation groups), calling it "moral values" to tell lies in order to start unnecessary wars that kill or maim tens of thousands of people as well as to lie, cheat, and embezzle in a manner befitting of Enron, Halliburton, Arbusto Energy, or Tyco, to destroy God's Creations with irresponsible & reckless abandon, especially while simultaneously ignoring all principles of science and all available facts in order to promote a theocratic worldview in the guise of "intelligent design" (an indoctrination ironically similar to the Islamic fundamentalist wackos these same so-called Christians purport to be opposed to), promote the hatred of and discrimination against the economically disenfranchised or otherwise most vulnerable members of a society, particularly if it allows titillating discussion of sexual acts these same repressed prudes and closet-cases secretly fetishize under the flimsy pretense of "taking a moral stand".
lobotomy by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005
Man DeLay
A male organ de-sensitizer that is the only way that piece of shit Tom DeLay can keep from jizzing himself anytime he contemplates his pact with Satan.
See also: Tom DeLay
See also: Tom DeLay
In exchange for a soul, Tom DeLay chose a corrupt power grab and a case of "Man DeLay" to subdue his raging hard-on for Terri Schiavo, the only "living" woman who didn't threaten his fragile sense of masculinity with things like thought, speech, or any signs of being a human being rather than a baby-making factory with no right even to accurate information about contraception, let alone control over her own body and its reproductive organs.
Man DeLay by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005
gynophobe
1) one who is afraid of women. (this may mutate into outright misogyny if left untreated. An excellent remedy is for a considerate, reasonably sexy, sexually enthusiastic woman to fuck the gynophobe's brains out.)
2) a repressed woman afraid of her own vulva and/or sexuality.
3) an otherwise straight man who is too much of a pussy to perform cunnilingus.
See also: nice guy, prude, double standard, Republican, gangsta.
2) a repressed woman afraid of her own vulva and/or sexuality.
3) an otherwise straight man who is too much of a pussy to perform cunnilingus.
See also: nice guy, prude, double standard, Republican, gangsta.
1) That Joe guy seems pretty nice, but he needs to get laid for all our sakes, he is such a gynophobe!
2) The gynophobes were out in force at the Ladies Bible Study Group.
3) Their sex-life progressing nicely, Alex & Tina bought some Tangerines & Cream lube at the "toy store" to slather on her yoni and get him past his inner gynophobe as he lapped it up that night.
2) The gynophobes were out in force at the Ladies Bible Study Group.
3) Their sex-life progressing nicely, Alex & Tina bought some Tangerines & Cream lube at the "toy store" to slather on her yoni and get him past his inner gynophobe as he lapped it up that night.
gynophobe by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005
Democrat
of the 2 major political parties in America, this party or its politicians have a variety of bullshit, that although at times distressing, is often mixed with initiatives that actually prove helpful to people based on what appears to be a genuine concern for the citizenry. Democrat's bullshit is unique for being generally non-virulent to humanity at large and is thus tolerable in comparison to the bullshit of any other group which has historically wielded a similar level of political influence. The bullshit of Democrats is thus regrettable but rarely if ever dangerous. This is exceptionally noteworthy, as the necessary evil of politics by its very nature draws out humanity's most vulgar, deceitful, hycpocritical, duplicitous, oppressive, sanctimonious, arrogant, and self-serving interests and personalities. Luckily in America, these unsavory qualities have concentrated themselves to a truly extraordinary level in the Republican party, so that one who wishes to avoid these virulent and intolerable forms of bullshit can easily do so by supporting Democrats or any viable 3rd party (OK, OK... that little joke about 3rd parties was just to see if you're still reading), and vigilantly opposing Republicans and/or documenting the afforementioned evils inherent in any political system (I know that last part is redundant, since Republicans are themselves typically the evils in the system).
Democrat bullshit: One man gets a blow-job from a 21 year old woman. He doesn't admit it until the imminent potential for DNA evidence to back up the woman's story embarrasses him enough to confess.
Republican bullshit: Far too vile and lengthy a list to go into, but perhaps its most dangerous and virulent outbreaks in recent memory include submitting forged documents to the entire world in order to bolster a "rally to unnecessary war in Iraq" campaign based on blind ideology, a series of deliberate deceptions, and the unethical intimidation of professional intelligence officers, rather than on pragmatic realities. This served to destroy America's credibility and drastically weaken the War on Terror. Worst of all, it has so far resulted in the deaths of at least 1600 American troops, many thousands more American troops severely maimed and scarred for life, as well as 10's of 1000's of ordinary Iraqis whose "liberation" from their brutal dictator came in the form of death by American armaments for no good reason, and at a price tag of well over $300 BILLION dollars, with no end in sight! (incidentally, less than 3% of that total could completely update America's schools for the 21st century, a modest portion could have funded all the research we need to make alternative energy commercially viable so we can be truly independent and tell the Islamic wackos to shove their oil up their ass, and still have a boatload of cash left over for whatever you want to do with it - pay down the deficit, invest in Social Security, or anything else!!)
Republican bullshit: Far too vile and lengthy a list to go into, but perhaps its most dangerous and virulent outbreaks in recent memory include submitting forged documents to the entire world in order to bolster a "rally to unnecessary war in Iraq" campaign based on blind ideology, a series of deliberate deceptions, and the unethical intimidation of professional intelligence officers, rather than on pragmatic realities. This served to destroy America's credibility and drastically weaken the War on Terror. Worst of all, it has so far resulted in the deaths of at least 1600 American troops, many thousands more American troops severely maimed and scarred for life, as well as 10's of 1000's of ordinary Iraqis whose "liberation" from their brutal dictator came in the form of death by American armaments for no good reason, and at a price tag of well over $300 BILLION dollars, with no end in sight! (incidentally, less than 3% of that total could completely update America's schools for the 21st century, a modest portion could have funded all the research we need to make alternative energy commercially viable so we can be truly independent and tell the Islamic wackos to shove their oil up their ass, and still have a boatload of cash left over for whatever you want to do with it - pay down the deficit, invest in Social Security, or anything else!!)
Democrat by FunkyBumpkin April 29, 2005
swattage
adj.: excellent.
The most exteme form of or epitome of what is being described in a favorable, enthusiastic manner. See also: killer, bomb, phat, tight, the sh!t, etc.
The most exteme form of or epitome of what is being described in a favorable, enthusiastic manner. See also: killer, bomb, phat, tight, the sh!t, etc.
swattage by FunkyBumpkin April 28, 2005