Failurebitch's definitions

Afroman

The FUNNIEST rapper to ever exist. He would shoot the shit with you while he smokes a joint and you sip on whatever alcoholic beverage you like if getting high isn't your thing.

If I met Afroman in real life, I'd give him a high five and direct him to the nearest weed dispensery. I don't smoke weed since I've never understood the hype behind drugs, but I'm sure Afroman would appreciate knowing where he can get some weed.

by Failurebitch June 4, 2025

Periods

The most annoying thing women go through every month if they don't get pregnant. The cramps feel like being kicked in the groin repeatedly. On top of the pain, women also bleed for a week or so as the uterus sheds its lining. If a woman has endometriosis, then that week she'll be in moderate/severe pain and have heavy bleeding. Women will generally avoid swimming if tampons cause discomfort. They will also avoid wearing light colored/white pants, dresses, skirts, underwear, jumpsuits, and rompers incase there's a leak. The blood that comes out also smells bad, so a woman might smell a bit rank during that week. There have been women who've BEGGED doctors for a hysterectomy, but doctors won't do it because of the stupid notion that all women should have children when there's already more than enough people on the planet.

I want a hysterectomy so I won't have periods anymore, but I'm forced to suffer despite not wanting to have children because the government forces the doctor to say no. All of my underwear have embarrassing brown stains from dried blood. If I go a month without my birth control, I'll be in agony and have heavy bleeding because I might have endometriosis. My life is hell.

by Failurebitch March 11, 2025

Tick Tock Crocodile

A crocodile that swallowed a clock, and makes a tick-tock sound. Captain Hook is afraid of said crocodile.

(tick tocking noise)

Captain Hook: Shit! It's Tick Tock Crocodile!
Smee: Alright Mr. Crocodile, get out of here. Go on, shoo!!
Crocodile: (Crawls back into the water with a disappointed look on his face and swims away)

by Failurebitch June 23, 2023

Valentine's Day

The shittiest day of the year for me. People say that I'm beautiful all the time but how can I be so beautiful and single at the same time? Do people just say that I'm pretty to make me feel better about myself? I've been single my whole life (elementary school relationships don't count). This is a day where single girls like me feel ugly for not having a boyfriend. It's a day of mourning my loneliness and the death of my cousin. I'm making it my tradition to go up to my room and cry on this day because of how horrible I feel.

Valentine's Day fucking sucks. My cousin died on that day in 2016 and many others in 2018. I'm making it a tradition to cry in my room alone every year that I'm single. Fuck Valentine's Day! Cupid is an inaccurate bastard! Cupid can suck my non-existent dick.

by Failurebitch February 1, 2019

Californiastan

The nickname for the worst state in the US. Crime, stupidity, wokeism, entitlement, high prices, high taxes on EVERYTHING, homelessness, and political corruption are rampant in the state that hasn't seen a Republican or Independent governor for over 50 years, which has caused crime and homelessness to ramp up. Owning a gun is damn near impossible over there because idiots believe that taking guns away from LAW ABIDING CITIZENS will solve problems instead of causing more problems.

I will never live in Californiastan. Fuck that place! If I were to move to another state, I'd move to Florida!

by Failurebitch June 3, 2025

Annoying kid

Usually whiny and entitled. Here's how to spot one:

Male: has a mullet, obsessed with dirt bikes and trucks, plays Fortnite 24/7, watches dirt bike videos on Tik-Tok, listens to shitty country music, wears under armour, and thinks he's cool because he's friends with the richest kids in his class.

Female: has long hair, uses Tik-Tok, has the latest iPhone, listens to Billie Elish, gets offended by everything, posts on Instagram about "being depressed", drinks Starbucks everyday, posts duck lip pictures on Snapchat, wears only Acrombe and Fitch, and only hangs out with the "popular girls"

My youngest brother is an annoying kid.

by Failurebitch July 7, 2023

Stephanie Meyer

The worst writer in the history of the world. Known for her shitty Twilight series, her books make me sick. If you're thinking about reading Twilight, don't. It's all about some weak ass slut who's afraid of her own shadow who is also anorexic and falls in love with a "vampire". He's really just some stupid fuck who wears body glitter to be more attractive, but makes him look gay and climbs trees. Both Bella and Edward combined have the intelligence of a jellyfish (meaning that both of them have no brains). All they like to do is have sex with each other. So Stephanie Meyer is a really bad writer who can't take criticism.

Damn, I really want to send Stephanie Meyer some negative feedback.
I'm on team Dracula if anything.

by Failurebitch January 7, 2019