Dusty's Baby Powder's definitions
A workout done inside a chapel by Catholic priests. This was first done by SFC. Fr. Roger Stainglass when he's preaching a sermon. It mostly consists of three exercises called "God Squats", "Lord Lunges", and "Jehovah Jacks". Usually they are done in three or four rounds in quick succession. A circuit of this always ends by kneeling on the prayer bench and saying one Hail Mary before the next circuit begins. Stainy does this in the mornings before the early service. So if you want a religious workout that will really perk you, try a Communion Circuit - it can't hurt you! Stainy Stainglass said so!
Stainy: Hey Bryant, you feel like some exercise? Let's do our Communion Circuit. I need some stretches.
Bryant: Sure! Gotta have those warm up exercises now. I love these!
Stainy: Okay! First one, lets do some God Squats. (he stands in front of the prayer bench and squats down) Easy. Now hold it too long. Just stand there until it starts to burn.
Bryant: Wow! Good one. What's next?
Stainy: Next up is the Lord Lunge. You know how we priests kneel on one knee? You do that and then you quickly stand up again. That's the second part of a Communion Circuit. (he does a Lord Lunge to show Bryant)
Bryant: What's the third part?
Stainy: The Jehovah Jack. You jump up on top of the prayer bench and you do a couple of jumping jacks. Then you jump down and pray a Hail Mary. And then the circuit starts all over again. Great workout, huh?
Bryant: Yes, but after you do it is there a stretch that you do?
Stainy: Sure it is. The Saintly Stretches. Here, hold my hand. How, stretch all the way up into the sky. There sweetie. That's it. Communion Circuits rock, don't they?
Bryant: They sure do! They wake you up. I love doing these. They're better than Knee Mail!
Bryant: Sure! Gotta have those warm up exercises now. I love these!
Stainy: Okay! First one, lets do some God Squats. (he stands in front of the prayer bench and squats down) Easy. Now hold it too long. Just stand there until it starts to burn.
Bryant: Wow! Good one. What's next?
Stainy: Next up is the Lord Lunge. You know how we priests kneel on one knee? You do that and then you quickly stand up again. That's the second part of a Communion Circuit. (he does a Lord Lunge to show Bryant)
Bryant: What's the third part?
Stainy: The Jehovah Jack. You jump up on top of the prayer bench and you do a couple of jumping jacks. Then you jump down and pray a Hail Mary. And then the circuit starts all over again. Great workout, huh?
Bryant: Yes, but after you do it is there a stretch that you do?
Stainy: Sure it is. The Saintly Stretches. Here, hold my hand. How, stretch all the way up into the sky. There sweetie. That's it. Communion Circuits rock, don't they?
Bryant: They sure do! They wake you up. I love doing these. They're better than Knee Mail!
by Dusty's Baby Powder November 23, 2011
Get the Communion Circuitmug. An exercise done by Ralph Drabble after working in the yard. It is often accompanied by coaching his body parts as if he were actually talking to them. A wonderful way work off arthritis.
Ralph: Boy, I'm stiff. I've gotta do my Drabble Stand.
Ed: What's a Drabble Stand? Is that some sort of arthritis exercise?
Ralph: Yup, works great. Guaranteed relief.
Ed: Show me how, I've never tried it.
Ralph: (demonstrating) Come on, knee, you can do it!
Ed: What's a Drabble Stand? Is that some sort of arthritis exercise?
Ralph: Yup, works great. Guaranteed relief.
Ed: Show me how, I've never tried it.
Ralph: (demonstrating) Come on, knee, you can do it!
by Dusty's Baby Powder December 14, 2010
Get the Drabble Standmug. A home-based school attended by the Drabble children, especially Penny and Patrick. It is taught by their father, Sergeant Ralph Drabble. Ralph is a tough teacher and often glares at his students when they don't do something he likes. This is the best place to learn how to be a mall cop. So if you think mall cops are pretty cool, check it out and go to Ralph School!
Ralph: OK, kids, you ready for Ralph School?
Penny: Right on, dad! I'm gonna love this.
Ralph: No, no sweetheart. At Ralph School I'm not Dad, its Mr. Drabble, OK?
Penny: (starts crying) But I've always called you Dad.
Ralph: Not in your Ralph School classes. (he gives her a gentle glare) See, Isn't this fun having me for a teacher?
Patrick: This is fun! Best school I know. Especially since you're our teacher!
Ralph: (starts laughing) Yes, this is like mall cop therapy. Ralph School is crazy! Class dismissed! (he glares at them again) Ralph School rules!
Penny: Right on, dad! I'm gonna love this.
Ralph: No, no sweetheart. At Ralph School I'm not Dad, its Mr. Drabble, OK?
Penny: (starts crying) But I've always called you Dad.
Ralph: Not in your Ralph School classes. (he gives her a gentle glare) See, Isn't this fun having me for a teacher?
Patrick: This is fun! Best school I know. Especially since you're our teacher!
Ralph: (starts laughing) Yes, this is like mall cop therapy. Ralph School is crazy! Class dismissed! (he glares at them again) Ralph School rules!
by Dusty's Baby Powder September 15, 2011
Get the Ralph Schoolmug. A volcano that spews hearts. A Valentine Volcano is most often seen at a senior center when two older people are very much in love, such as is seen with Beatrice Middleton and her boyfriend, Hec Hanley. A Valentine Volcano is very hard to stop; when it erupts, look out! Your heart will be on fire.
Beatrice: Wow! There's a Valentine Volcano out here. (she kisses Hec)
Hec: Whoah! Good one! Super-charged. You know there must be tons of Valentine Volcanoes around here.
Beatrice: Look where we are. We're at the Senior Center. There's some sweet stuff going on here.
Elsie: This is gonna be a great date! Would you dance with me?
Hec: (switches on 'Love Me Tender') This is a real volcano. Careful now, we're gonna get burned!
Beatrice: Its not that type of volcano. Would you be my Valentine, sweetie? (she sits down and starts rubbing Hec with some Martian Mud)
Hec: Of course I'll be your Valentine. You know I love you. We're both former Marines here. Semper Fi!
Beatrice: Yes, we almost live by the same creed. Honor, courage, commitment - A Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do! Valentine Volcanoes are hot!
Hec: Whoah! Good one! Super-charged. You know there must be tons of Valentine Volcanoes around here.
Beatrice: Look where we are. We're at the Senior Center. There's some sweet stuff going on here.
Elsie: This is gonna be a great date! Would you dance with me?
Hec: (switches on 'Love Me Tender') This is a real volcano. Careful now, we're gonna get burned!
Beatrice: Its not that type of volcano. Would you be my Valentine, sweetie? (she sits down and starts rubbing Hec with some Martian Mud)
Hec: Of course I'll be your Valentine. You know I love you. We're both former Marines here. Semper Fi!
Beatrice: Yes, we almost live by the same creed. Honor, courage, commitment - A Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do! Valentine Volcanoes are hot!
by Dusty's Baby Powder September 4, 2011
Get the Valentine Volcanomug. An exercise program created by Ben Hatley. Used as a warm up stretch before he does other things. His wife, Liv, often joins him as do his four grandkids, especially Nick. He often will spend hours doing these, much to Liv's dismay. This is one of the best warm up stretches you can do.
Ben: (groaning) Oh, I threw my back out. I should have done my Hatleystretch.
Liv: No problem. I was about to do my Tai Chi anyway. Want me to help?
Ben: Sure! Once I stretch out, here, I'm hopping on the Benmobile. (Ben and Liv start stretching each other)
Liv: Here, easy there, don't overstretch it, now. You don't want to tear up a muscle.
Ben: Yeah, you're right. Maybe we should just do it easy so that we just warm the muscle. We don't want it to rip.
Nick: What are you two doing? Can I try it, too?
Ben: Sure! Its just our Hatleystretch. Why don't you try it? Granma Liv can help.
Liv: (takes Nick and starts stretching him) Now this is easy. Just do what I do, okay?
Nick: (starts laughing) Wow! This feels great. Have you always done this?
(Ben and Liv both start laughing)
Ben: Yup! We've been doing it for several years. Heck, I invented it! Used to do it when I lugged mail.
Liv: I've done it, too! Helps me with my Tai Chi. (lunges at Nick doing a crane punch)
Nick: Wow! Hatleystretches are nice! I'm gonna have to tell Mommy and Daddy how!
Liv: No problem. I was about to do my Tai Chi anyway. Want me to help?
Ben: Sure! Once I stretch out, here, I'm hopping on the Benmobile. (Ben and Liv start stretching each other)
Liv: Here, easy there, don't overstretch it, now. You don't want to tear up a muscle.
Ben: Yeah, you're right. Maybe we should just do it easy so that we just warm the muscle. We don't want it to rip.
Nick: What are you two doing? Can I try it, too?
Ben: Sure! Its just our Hatleystretch. Why don't you try it? Granma Liv can help.
Liv: (takes Nick and starts stretching him) Now this is easy. Just do what I do, okay?
Nick: (starts laughing) Wow! This feels great. Have you always done this?
(Ben and Liv both start laughing)
Ben: Yup! We've been doing it for several years. Heck, I invented it! Used to do it when I lugged mail.
Liv: I've done it, too! Helps me with my Tai Chi. (lunges at Nick doing a crane punch)
Nick: Wow! Hatleystretches are nice! I'm gonna have to tell Mommy and Daddy how!
by Dusty's Baby Powder June 11, 2011
Get the Hatleystretchmug. A hair gel commonly used by grandpas. Often their grandsons comment on how good their hair looks. It is often sold in jars with Ed Crankshaft's picture on them. He has been known to use it.
Nelson: (let's out a big wolf whistle) Whoah, boy! You're getting all gussied up. What's going on?
Ed: I'm fixing my hair. I'm going bowling with a bunch of the bus drivers. You know, your Uncle Rudy and your Aunt Lena and all them.
Nelson: Wow! What's that stuff all in your hair?
Ed: (starts laughing) That's my Grandpa Goo. Hey, wanna come with me? The gang's gonna flip when you use this.
Nelson: Nice! (bends his head down) Let's massage this into my mop!
Ed: (growling) That's the ticket! No grandpa is complete without a good hairdo. All you need is some Grandpa Goo!
Ed: I'm fixing my hair. I'm going bowling with a bunch of the bus drivers. You know, your Uncle Rudy and your Aunt Lena and all them.
Nelson: Wow! What's that stuff all in your hair?
Ed: (starts laughing) That's my Grandpa Goo. Hey, wanna come with me? The gang's gonna flip when you use this.
Nelson: Nice! (bends his head down) Let's massage this into my mop!
Ed: (growling) That's the ticket! No grandpa is complete without a good hairdo. All you need is some Grandpa Goo!
by Dusty's Baby Powder April 12, 2011
Get the Grandpa Goomug. A mix of the words 'relax' and 'Opal'. Used for when Opal Crankshaft relaxes on the couch when she's stressed out or seems sick. She once told her grandson, Nelson, she was our of sorts, but he didn't know what she meant.
Opal: I'm all out of sorts today. This is crazy. I think it's time to Opalax.
Myrtle: What do you mean? Opalax? Now, I know about relaxing. I used to be a massage therapist, you know?
Opal: It's a mix of the words 'relax' with my name. I use it when I stretch out on the couch. You know how us old women are!
Myrtle: That's wild. I never heard of it before. In Aiwa Beach, Hawaii where I'm from we never even think of Opalaxing. We do pineapple massage down there.
Opal: (shocked) Pineapple massage? Myrtle, what are you talking about?
Myrtle: Come on, sweetheart. Just try it. It'll relax you more than you ever thought. (takes crushed pineapple and starts rubbing it on Opal)
Opal: Oh yeah, this is creamy. I'm all Opalaxed now!
Myrtle: What do you mean? Opalax? Now, I know about relaxing. I used to be a massage therapist, you know?
Opal: It's a mix of the words 'relax' with my name. I use it when I stretch out on the couch. You know how us old women are!
Myrtle: That's wild. I never heard of it before. In Aiwa Beach, Hawaii where I'm from we never even think of Opalaxing. We do pineapple massage down there.
Opal: (shocked) Pineapple massage? Myrtle, what are you talking about?
Myrtle: Come on, sweetheart. Just try it. It'll relax you more than you ever thought. (takes crushed pineapple and starts rubbing it on Opal)
Opal: Oh yeah, this is creamy. I'm all Opalaxed now!
by Dusty's Baby Powder March 23, 2011
Get the Opalaxmug.