Definitions by Dusty's Baby Powder
Slipper Sneaks
Slippers that also act as tennis shoes. They can be worn at night or as normal tennis shoes during the day. They are often worn with a bathrobe when doing the nightly exercises known as "Moon Stretches". The only known pair of Slipper Sneaks belongs to GYSGT. Beatrice Middleton. They are crazy sweet. So if you want your feet to be fit for weeks get yourself a pair of Slipper Sneaks.
Beatrice: Hey honey, did you see that moon? I'd better put on my Slipper Sneaks.
Bryant: Okay, it must be time for our Moon Stretches again. But what are Slipper Sneaks?
Beatrice: Only the most comfy sneakers ever! They're not only slippers, they're tennis shoes. You see here? (she lifts her foot up showing Bryant) See, they look like a tennis shoe. But they're also a slipper.
Bryant: Where can I get a pair? I love these!
Beatrice: Easy, honey. I've got tons of these. Now how about we do a nice, soft massage on you? These Slipper Sneaks would work great for that.
Bryant: Awesome! That felt really good. You almost went whole body, there.
Beatrice: Yes, Slipper Sneaks rule! A sneaker and a slipper combined. The best shoes any Gunny Granny could wear. A Gunny Granny's gotta love her shoes, now. (She kisses Bryant)
Bryant: Okay, it must be time for our Moon Stretches again. But what are Slipper Sneaks?
Beatrice: Only the most comfy sneakers ever! They're not only slippers, they're tennis shoes. You see here? (she lifts her foot up showing Bryant) See, they look like a tennis shoe. But they're also a slipper.
Bryant: Where can I get a pair? I love these!
Beatrice: Easy, honey. I've got tons of these. Now how about we do a nice, soft massage on you? These Slipper Sneaks would work great for that.
Bryant: Awesome! That felt really good. You almost went whole body, there.
Beatrice: Yes, Slipper Sneaks rule! A sneaker and a slipper combined. The best shoes any Gunny Granny could wear. A Gunny Granny's gotta love her shoes, now. (She kisses Bryant)
Slipper Sneaks by Dusty's Baby Powder December 3, 2011
Flower Funeral
A funeral held for dead flowers. Usually in a flowerbed side service honoring the sweetness and beauty of the dead flowers. Usually held after cutting or throwing away the dead flowers. Is also often held in a church. The only known Flower Funeral happened on November 18, 2011 when Ed Crankshaft, his daughter Pam Murdoch, and her husband Jeff were attending the funeral of a close friend. A Flower Funeral is not sad. In fact, it is very calming. So, if you want beautiful flowers for all time, hold a Flower Funeral for the ones you lost. Its a sweet thing to do.
Ed: Oh no, all my flower died. How am I going to remember them?
Pam: Why not have a Flower Funeral for them? We could crush them up and bury them.
Jeff: Sure! Lets go to Camp Swampy. I bet Stainy Stainglass would officiate.
Ed: Sure, a Flower Funeral would be nice because I love my garden! Sweet.
Stainy: Yes, I'll help! (he starts praying over the flowers) Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in memory of these beautiful flowers. May they always live in Heaven in beauty. (he makes the cross sign)
Ed: (bursts out crying) Poor flowers. I don't know what to do.
Stainy: Easy, I know you're stressed. But I got the Mary Mud right here. (he starts massaging Ed with the Mary Mud) Remember how good that felt? Its a nice way to end a Flower Funeral.
Jeff: (jumping up and down crying) I need some of that, too. Can I have some?
Stainy: Sure! This is the most important part of a Flower Funeral. You need flowers to stop stressing over flowers. Remember, flowers have power!
Pam: Sure. Its easy. Just remember its a trial but Flower Funerals make you smile! (she kisses Stainy and he rubs her with the Mary Mud)
Pam: Why not have a Flower Funeral for them? We could crush them up and bury them.
Jeff: Sure! Lets go to Camp Swampy. I bet Stainy Stainglass would officiate.
Ed: Sure, a Flower Funeral would be nice because I love my garden! Sweet.
Stainy: Yes, I'll help! (he starts praying over the flowers) Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in memory of these beautiful flowers. May they always live in Heaven in beauty. (he makes the cross sign)
Ed: (bursts out crying) Poor flowers. I don't know what to do.
Stainy: Easy, I know you're stressed. But I got the Mary Mud right here. (he starts massaging Ed with the Mary Mud) Remember how good that felt? Its a nice way to end a Flower Funeral.
Jeff: (jumping up and down crying) I need some of that, too. Can I have some?
Stainy: Sure! This is the most important part of a Flower Funeral. You need flowers to stop stressing over flowers. Remember, flowers have power!
Pam: Sure. Its easy. Just remember its a trial but Flower Funerals make you smile! (she kisses Stainy and he rubs her with the Mary Mud)
Flower Funeral by Dusty's Baby Powder November 23, 2011
Communion Circuit
A workout done inside a chapel by Catholic priests. This was first done by SFC. Fr. Roger Stainglass when he's preaching a sermon. It mostly consists of three exercises called "God Squats", "Lord Lunges", and "Jehovah Jacks". Usually they are done in three or four rounds in quick succession. A circuit of this always ends by kneeling on the prayer bench and saying one Hail Mary before the next circuit begins. Stainy does this in the mornings before the early service. So if you want a religious workout that will really perk you, try a Communion Circuit - it can't hurt you! Stainy Stainglass said so!
Stainy: Hey Bryant, you feel like some exercise? Let's do our Communion Circuit. I need some stretches.
Bryant: Sure! Gotta have those warm up exercises now. I love these!
Stainy: Okay! First one, lets do some God Squats. (he stands in front of the prayer bench and squats down) Easy. Now hold it too long. Just stand there until it starts to burn.
Bryant: Wow! Good one. What's next?
Stainy: Next up is the Lord Lunge. You know how we priests kneel on one knee? You do that and then you quickly stand up again. That's the second part of a Communion Circuit. (he does a Lord Lunge to show Bryant)
Bryant: What's the third part?
Stainy: The Jehovah Jack. You jump up on top of the prayer bench and you do a couple of jumping jacks. Then you jump down and pray a Hail Mary. And then the circuit starts all over again. Great workout, huh?
Bryant: Yes, but after you do it is there a stretch that you do?
Stainy: Sure it is. The Saintly Stretches. Here, hold my hand. How, stretch all the way up into the sky. There sweetie. That's it. Communion Circuits rock, don't they?
Bryant: They sure do! They wake you up. I love doing these. They're better than Knee Mail!
Bryant: Sure! Gotta have those warm up exercises now. I love these!
Stainy: Okay! First one, lets do some God Squats. (he stands in front of the prayer bench and squats down) Easy. Now hold it too long. Just stand there until it starts to burn.
Bryant: Wow! Good one. What's next?
Stainy: Next up is the Lord Lunge. You know how we priests kneel on one knee? You do that and then you quickly stand up again. That's the second part of a Communion Circuit. (he does a Lord Lunge to show Bryant)
Bryant: What's the third part?
Stainy: The Jehovah Jack. You jump up on top of the prayer bench and you do a couple of jumping jacks. Then you jump down and pray a Hail Mary. And then the circuit starts all over again. Great workout, huh?
Bryant: Yes, but after you do it is there a stretch that you do?
Stainy: Sure it is. The Saintly Stretches. Here, hold my hand. How, stretch all the way up into the sky. There sweetie. That's it. Communion Circuits rock, don't they?
Bryant: They sure do! They wake you up. I love doing these. They're better than Knee Mail!
Communion Circuit by Dusty's Baby Powder November 23, 2011
Panda Paw
A mix of massage and stretching exercises done by Ben and Liv Hatley. It was so named because of Ben's large hands. Often he does them to his grandkids or friends. And also he does these to Liv who absolutely loves it. This is guaranteed to make you limber. No ifs, hands, or paws about it!
Ben: Hey, anybody up for a baseball game? I'm ready to do my Panda Paw. You've got to warm up, you know? You can't play baseball on a cold body.
Liv: You're right. This is sweet. I love the Panda Paw stretches. The Hatley Hula, the Liv Lean - they're all part of it. (she starts doing a Hatley Hula) Easy now, don't go too much.
D.D.: What is this? I've never seen it. And who are you guys? I want to join this, too. It looks like fun.
Ben: I'm Ben Hatley. And this is my wife, Olivia, but folks call her Liv. This is my Panda Paw stretch. Why don't you try it? (he shows D.D. how to do some of it)
Liv: Is she getting the hang of it yet?
Ben: I don't think she can see. I don't think she can do this.
D.D.: He's right. I can't see. I'm blind and have to be guided. Do any of you two want to help me?
Liv: You poor thing. Sure we'll help. These stretches are awesome. And anyone can do it! Here, I'll help.
Beatrice: (entering with a baseball bat in hand) Hey, is the game on yet? I want to play!
Ben: Wait, we're just doing the Panda Paw stretches. Why don't you join us, too. We're all already teaching your friend, D.D.
D.D.: (reaches up and high fives Ben) This rocks! We're going to have to do these at the senior center. I love this!
Ben: Well, now that we're all limbered up, let's play ball! (he picks up a baseball and throws it at Beatrice. And he yells:) Batter up!!
Liv: You're right. This is sweet. I love the Panda Paw stretches. The Hatley Hula, the Liv Lean - they're all part of it. (she starts doing a Hatley Hula) Easy now, don't go too much.
D.D.: What is this? I've never seen it. And who are you guys? I want to join this, too. It looks like fun.
Ben: I'm Ben Hatley. And this is my wife, Olivia, but folks call her Liv. This is my Panda Paw stretch. Why don't you try it? (he shows D.D. how to do some of it)
Liv: Is she getting the hang of it yet?
Ben: I don't think she can see. I don't think she can do this.
D.D.: He's right. I can't see. I'm blind and have to be guided. Do any of you two want to help me?
Liv: You poor thing. Sure we'll help. These stretches are awesome. And anyone can do it! Here, I'll help.
Beatrice: (entering with a baseball bat in hand) Hey, is the game on yet? I want to play!
Ben: Wait, we're just doing the Panda Paw stretches. Why don't you join us, too. We're all already teaching your friend, D.D.
D.D.: (reaches up and high fives Ben) This rocks! We're going to have to do these at the senior center. I love this!
Ben: Well, now that we're all limbered up, let's play ball! (he picks up a baseball and throws it at Beatrice. And he yells:) Batter up!!
Panda Paw by Dusty's Baby Powder November 22, 2011
Earley Horse
An intense cramp suffered by Earl Pickles when he has not stretched himself. Earley Horses commonly occur in the legs but can appear anywhere on the body. The only known cure is intense stretches. They are hard to treat and only Earl knows how. If you feel a cramp coming on with an intense force, chances are you got yourself and Earley Horse. Watch out! It will kick you!
Earl: Oh no, I should have warmed up big time. I've got a terrible Earley Horse! (groaning) Owww.
Clyde: An Earley Horse? I know how you get those. Somebody didn't stretch!
Earl: Yeah, I forgot to. I was so busy with a bunch of other stuff that I just clean forgot. Now I'm paying for it.
Opal: You poor thing. Earley Horses really hurt, don't they?
Earl: Yes. But I bet I could still stretch it. (he stretches himself) Wow! That felt good. But its still cramping some.
Opal: Here, use my honey lotion. How about if I massage your leg with this? That would get the cramp out. (she starts massaging him) Easy now, let it work.
Clyde: How about we go for a walk, just you and me? But remember the warm up stretches! You don't want another Earley Horse.
Earl: They don't come on by force, but I sure love my Earley Horse!
Clyde: An Earley Horse? I know how you get those. Somebody didn't stretch!
Earl: Yeah, I forgot to. I was so busy with a bunch of other stuff that I just clean forgot. Now I'm paying for it.
Opal: You poor thing. Earley Horses really hurt, don't they?
Earl: Yes. But I bet I could still stretch it. (he stretches himself) Wow! That felt good. But its still cramping some.
Opal: Here, use my honey lotion. How about if I massage your leg with this? That would get the cramp out. (she starts massaging him) Easy now, let it work.
Clyde: How about we go for a walk, just you and me? But remember the warm up stretches! You don't want another Earley Horse.
Earl: They don't come on by force, but I sure love my Earley Horse!
Earley Horse by Dusty's Baby Powder November 19, 2011
Zebra Pancakes
Intensely delicious pancakes originally made by Ralph Drabble. Used in the treatment of his wife, June's, intense depressions. Usually eaten after June has been very sad but also by other members of the family. Ralph always says "Pancakes make people happy!" They are impossible to resist. They are usually covered in white and dark chocolate and often served with syrup and butter. The effects do not last long but they are delicious. If you want something that will really get you un-sad, try Zebra Pancakes - remember, Ralph Drabble told you!
Ralph: You look a little sad, honeybunch. I know what'll get you going! How about some Zebra Pancakes?
June: Zebra Pancakes? What in the world are they?
Ralph: You've eaten these before. Remember those great pancakes I make you when you're sad. Those are Zebra Pancakes. (he starts making some) After all, pancakes make people happy! You can't resist these.
Beatrice: Zebra Pancakes?! Oh man, a Gunny Granny could be proud of those. See this? (she points to the referee shirt she's wearing) Now, if you're gonna call it a Zebra Pancake, you've got to be dressed as a zebra!
Ralph: Here, taste these! Sweet, isn't it? Even someone who isn't sad should eat my Zebra Pancakes.
Opal: Hello sweetie. Are you eating Zebra Pancakes? I want some, too. Earl almost made me cry today.
Ralph: Here, give these a try.
June: Gee, pancakes do make you happy! Even though the effects don't last long.
Earl: Whoah, she's right. These Zebra Pancakes are awesome! They'll make you a zippy zebra in no time. I'll take seconds! (they all take seconds)
Ralph: I told you so! Zebra Pancakes rule!
June: Zebra Pancakes? What in the world are they?
Ralph: You've eaten these before. Remember those great pancakes I make you when you're sad. Those are Zebra Pancakes. (he starts making some) After all, pancakes make people happy! You can't resist these.
Beatrice: Zebra Pancakes?! Oh man, a Gunny Granny could be proud of those. See this? (she points to the referee shirt she's wearing) Now, if you're gonna call it a Zebra Pancake, you've got to be dressed as a zebra!
Ralph: Here, taste these! Sweet, isn't it? Even someone who isn't sad should eat my Zebra Pancakes.
Opal: Hello sweetie. Are you eating Zebra Pancakes? I want some, too. Earl almost made me cry today.
Ralph: Here, give these a try.
June: Gee, pancakes do make you happy! Even though the effects don't last long.
Earl: Whoah, she's right. These Zebra Pancakes are awesome! They'll make you a zippy zebra in no time. I'll take seconds! (they all take seconds)
Ralph: I told you so! Zebra Pancakes rule!
Zebra Pancakes by Dusty's Baby Powder November 18, 2011
Earlweed
A dandelion-like weed that has Earl Pickles' face. Often it is not quite grown revealing a bald piece in the middle of its head. It is often killed by spraying a blow torch at it, firecrackers, or some other form of weed poison. Earlweed greens are also delicious to eat. So when you see a flower you just can't defeat, chances are it is an Earlweed!
Earl: Oh no, there's Earlweeds all over the yard. Time to break out the big guns. (he gets out a blow torch) Take that!
Nelson: Hold on, that's ugly. You don't want to kill a defenseless little weed! See how much it looks like you? (he picks one up and shows it to Earl)
Earl: Yes, they're pretty. But they must be destroyed! (he throws the torch at them. The torch explodes destroying all the Earlweeds) Take that! Victory is mine!
Opal: What have you done? You destroyed our garden. Why? (she starts crying) There were some pretty flowers there, and you ruined them.
Nelson: They were Earlweeds. They look like Grandpa Earl. You see? Cute!
Earl: Are you hungry? I think she made some Earlweed soup. We put those bad boys to good use! Long live Earlweed!
Nelson: Hold on, that's ugly. You don't want to kill a defenseless little weed! See how much it looks like you? (he picks one up and shows it to Earl)
Earl: Yes, they're pretty. But they must be destroyed! (he throws the torch at them. The torch explodes destroying all the Earlweeds) Take that! Victory is mine!
Opal: What have you done? You destroyed our garden. Why? (she starts crying) There were some pretty flowers there, and you ruined them.
Nelson: They were Earlweeds. They look like Grandpa Earl. You see? Cute!
Earl: Are you hungry? I think she made some Earlweed soup. We put those bad boys to good use! Long live Earlweed!
Earlweed by Dusty's Baby Powder November 14, 2011