The psychological condition suffered by many fans of the comic strip 'The Middletons' when Beatrice Middleton is not seen in the strip. Symptoms of this include, but are not limited to: intense sadness, thoughts of 'Where is she?', and most importantly 'Why is she not here?'. This causes much depression. The only known cure is intense exercise or massages using Martian Mud, which is Beatrice Middleton's favorite massage cream.
Beatrice: What's wrong honey? You look sad. I know what it is, its Middleton's Disease, right?
Bryant: Yes, you haven't been in the strip for days. Where were you? I was beginning to think you'd never show.
Morris: Buddy, she can't be in every strip. She's got to have a break once in a while. She's your Gunny Granny, for crying out loud.
Midge: (laughing) You know, he's right. Just because she isn't in the strip doesn't mean she isn't here. (picks up a jar of Martian Mud) Do you want me to use this? You love it when Beatrice does it.
Bryant: A massage? You'd actually give me a Martian Mud massage? Okay, just make sure you go all over my body. That's the best one.
Beatrice: That's one way to cure it. Hey sweetie, there's a soccer game going on later. And I'm coaching it. Want to come?
Bryant: Sure, maybe we could bring Grandpa Hec and Grandma Flo. But would I still be sad if I came?
Beatrice: No, you wouldn't be sad. Middleton's Disease is tough, I know. But you'll get over it quickly. (she starts massaging Bryant with the Martian Mud) There you go, sweetie. Now, isn't that better? I love you, honey. And I always will. A Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do.
Bryant: Yes, you haven't been in the strip for days. Where were you? I was beginning to think you'd never show.
Morris: Buddy, she can't be in every strip. She's got to have a break once in a while. She's your Gunny Granny, for crying out loud.
Midge: (laughing) You know, he's right. Just because she isn't in the strip doesn't mean she isn't here. (picks up a jar of Martian Mud) Do you want me to use this? You love it when Beatrice does it.
Bryant: A massage? You'd actually give me a Martian Mud massage? Okay, just make sure you go all over my body. That's the best one.
Beatrice: That's one way to cure it. Hey sweetie, there's a soccer game going on later. And I'm coaching it. Want to come?
Bryant: Sure, maybe we could bring Grandpa Hec and Grandma Flo. But would I still be sad if I came?
Beatrice: No, you wouldn't be sad. Middleton's Disease is tough, I know. But you'll get over it quickly. (she starts massaging Bryant with the Martian Mud) There you go, sweetie. Now, isn't that better? I love you, honey. And I always will. A Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do.
by Dusty's Baby Powder June 18, 2011
Get the Middleton's Diseasemug. A form of squat created on September 27, 2011 by Ben Hatley. It begins by standing by the Benmobile's front wheel with the feet spread as wide as possible. The wheel is then kicked or turned and then, between turns of the wheel, a plyometric squat is done. That is you jump up in between turns of the wheel. This is very powerful. If you thought doing squats was fun before, wait till you try Hatleysquats - they are awesome! Ben Hatley approved.
Ben: Hey Bryant, come here. How about a round of Hatleysquats? (he kicks the wheel of the Benmobile)
Bryant: I'm not sure. I know how to do it, but we did some this morning.
Ben: Well, it wouldn't hurt to do some again. Here, spread your feet and squat down when I turn the wheel. Then, for every time it turns, jump up once. Ready? (he turns the wheel and Bryant jumps up)
Liv: Wow! Are you doing Hatleysquats again? Let me at it! These are fun. Better than any old regular squat that I do.
Bryant: (counting, having already done 5) Six.. Seven.. Eight.. Nine.. Ten! There! I feel awesome now.
Snapper: What?! This crazy exercise. I used to do these, but not like that. Show me.
Bryant: Here Aunt Snapper, I'll show you. Spread your feet out and crouch down. Then, when Grandpa Ben turns the wheel, jump up, then squat again. Its easy. Its a Hatleysquat.
Snapper: (tries it) Woah, that's brisk. Do you think Grandma Mac might like it?
Ben: Sure, she'll love it. They are so hot your quads will be an inferno by the time we're done. (he rubs his leg because he's squatted for so long) Sweet!
Bryant: I'm not sure. I know how to do it, but we did some this morning.
Ben: Well, it wouldn't hurt to do some again. Here, spread your feet and squat down when I turn the wheel. Then, for every time it turns, jump up once. Ready? (he turns the wheel and Bryant jumps up)
Liv: Wow! Are you doing Hatleysquats again? Let me at it! These are fun. Better than any old regular squat that I do.
Bryant: (counting, having already done 5) Six.. Seven.. Eight.. Nine.. Ten! There! I feel awesome now.
Snapper: What?! This crazy exercise. I used to do these, but not like that. Show me.
Bryant: Here Aunt Snapper, I'll show you. Spread your feet out and crouch down. Then, when Grandpa Ben turns the wheel, jump up, then squat again. Its easy. Its a Hatleysquat.
Snapper: (tries it) Woah, that's brisk. Do you think Grandma Mac might like it?
Ben: Sure, she'll love it. They are so hot your quads will be an inferno by the time we're done. (he rubs his leg because he's squatted for so long) Sweet!
by Dusty's Baby Powder September 28, 2011
Get the Hatleysquatsmug. Intensely delicious pancakes originally made by Ralph Drabble. Used in the treatment of his wife, June's, intense depressions. Usually eaten after June has been very sad but also by other members of the family. Ralph always says "Pancakes make people happy!" They are impossible to resist. They are usually covered in white and dark chocolate and often served with syrup and butter. The effects do not last long but they are delicious. If you want something that will really get you un-sad, try Zebra Pancakes - remember, Ralph Drabble told you!
Ralph: You look a little sad, honeybunch. I know what'll get you going! How about some Zebra Pancakes?
June: Zebra Pancakes? What in the world are they?
Ralph: You've eaten these before. Remember those great pancakes I make you when you're sad. Those are Zebra Pancakes. (he starts making some) After all, pancakes make people happy! You can't resist these.
Beatrice: Zebra Pancakes?! Oh man, a Gunny Granny could be proud of those. See this? (she points to the referee shirt she's wearing) Now, if you're gonna call it a Zebra Pancake, you've got to be dressed as a zebra!
Ralph: Here, taste these! Sweet, isn't it? Even someone who isn't sad should eat my Zebra Pancakes.
Opal: Hello sweetie. Are you eating Zebra Pancakes? I want some, too. Earl almost made me cry today.
Ralph: Here, give these a try.
June: Gee, pancakes do make you happy! Even though the effects don't last long.
Earl: Whoah, she's right. These Zebra Pancakes are awesome! They'll make you a zippy zebra in no time. I'll take seconds! (they all take seconds)
Ralph: I told you so! Zebra Pancakes rule!
June: Zebra Pancakes? What in the world are they?
Ralph: You've eaten these before. Remember those great pancakes I make you when you're sad. Those are Zebra Pancakes. (he starts making some) After all, pancakes make people happy! You can't resist these.
Beatrice: Zebra Pancakes?! Oh man, a Gunny Granny could be proud of those. See this? (she points to the referee shirt she's wearing) Now, if you're gonna call it a Zebra Pancake, you've got to be dressed as a zebra!
Ralph: Here, taste these! Sweet, isn't it? Even someone who isn't sad should eat my Zebra Pancakes.
Opal: Hello sweetie. Are you eating Zebra Pancakes? I want some, too. Earl almost made me cry today.
Ralph: Here, give these a try.
June: Gee, pancakes do make you happy! Even though the effects don't last long.
Earl: Whoah, she's right. These Zebra Pancakes are awesome! They'll make you a zippy zebra in no time. I'll take seconds! (they all take seconds)
Ralph: I told you so! Zebra Pancakes rule!
by Dusty's Baby Powder November 18, 2011
Get the Zebra Pancakesmug. The act of spending all day with your grandma. Often Mother's Day, or some other special day. The word was coined on May 8, 2011 by Opal Crankshaft and said to her adopted grandson, Bryant.
Opal: (holding up two different color blouses up to Bryant) Which one should I wear? What do you think, purple or pink?
Bryant: Well, the purple looks good on you. Why not wear that? (suddenly realizes today is Mother's Day) Or wait, better yet, keep the robe! Let's get Grannied!!
Opal: Now you're talking. This is a perfect day to get Grannied. Its not every day I get to lounge around in my bathrobe.
Bryant: Yeah, you're right. This is a treat for you. Massages, spa treatments - you name it. Today is a perfect day for it!
Ramona: Hey, but what about me? Remember, honey, you used to have a big crush on me. Whatever happened to that?
Bryant: Hey Ma Garggle, long time no see! This is one of my other grandmas, Opal Crankshaft. (Ramona and Opal shake hands)
Bryant: How's Thorny and Hornet?
Brutus: We're fine. Gladdys couldn't be here. But I came down.
Bryant: Sweet! We go back quite a long way, all the way to 1996.
Brutus: Yeah, we lost touch there for a while. Who's this grandma you're talking about? Its not my mother-in-law, Ramona, is it?
Bryant: No. Brutus Thornapple; Opal Crankshaft. (Brutus and Opal shake hands).
Opal: Its a great day to get Grannied, huh? A couple of new friends that I've never met. One of my favorite grandsons. A great way to stay busy on Mother's Day! Doing nothing but r-e-l-a-x!!
Bryant: Well, the purple looks good on you. Why not wear that? (suddenly realizes today is Mother's Day) Or wait, better yet, keep the robe! Let's get Grannied!!
Opal: Now you're talking. This is a perfect day to get Grannied. Its not every day I get to lounge around in my bathrobe.
Bryant: Yeah, you're right. This is a treat for you. Massages, spa treatments - you name it. Today is a perfect day for it!
Ramona: Hey, but what about me? Remember, honey, you used to have a big crush on me. Whatever happened to that?
Bryant: Hey Ma Garggle, long time no see! This is one of my other grandmas, Opal Crankshaft. (Ramona and Opal shake hands)
Bryant: How's Thorny and Hornet?
Brutus: We're fine. Gladdys couldn't be here. But I came down.
Bryant: Sweet! We go back quite a long way, all the way to 1996.
Brutus: Yeah, we lost touch there for a while. Who's this grandma you're talking about? Its not my mother-in-law, Ramona, is it?
Bryant: No. Brutus Thornapple; Opal Crankshaft. (Brutus and Opal shake hands).
Opal: Its a great day to get Grannied, huh? A couple of new friends that I've never met. One of my favorite grandsons. A great way to stay busy on Mother's Day! Doing nothing but r-e-l-a-x!!
by Dusty's Baby Powder June 02, 2011
Get the Granniedmug. by Dusty's Baby Powder April 27, 2010
Get the GEEZERBOPmug. Another stretch done by the Hatleys. Done by first stretching your hands into the air. Then bending forward almost to your feet. Its often done by Ben Hatley after he's been sitting for too long. It is also done by his wife, Liv. Guaranteed to relax a creaky back. Its one of the exercises collectively known as 'Hatley Stretches'.
Liv: Oh no, my back's all creaky. I gotta do a Liv Lean.
Ben: You poor thing! I know what you need. My back gets creaky sometimes, too. Only I do a Hatley Hula to stretch mine.
Liv: Yeah, but the Liv Lean is much easier. All you do is throw your hands up in the air and then lean forward. You know, like you were going to touch your toes, but you just dangle your hands in front. It gives you a good, long stretch in your back. (Liv demonstrates to Ben how the stretch is done).
Ben: Wow! This really works. Its a real s-t-r-e-t-c-h! (groans in relief) Good one, Liv! My back feels great now.
Liv: (starts laughing at him) I told you so! Its one of the best back stretches. This is great! Whenever your back is sore, a Liv Lean can perk it right up.
Opal: Did I hear you right? Is that one of your stretches you do? My back's a little creaky. Can you show me?
Ben: Sure, you stretch your hands over your head and then lean down almost to the ground. It really stretches the back.
Opal: Sweet! I'm gonna have to show this to Ed. He'll love it.
Ben: You poor thing! I know what you need. My back gets creaky sometimes, too. Only I do a Hatley Hula to stretch mine.
Liv: Yeah, but the Liv Lean is much easier. All you do is throw your hands up in the air and then lean forward. You know, like you were going to touch your toes, but you just dangle your hands in front. It gives you a good, long stretch in your back. (Liv demonstrates to Ben how the stretch is done).
Ben: Wow! This really works. Its a real s-t-r-e-t-c-h! (groans in relief) Good one, Liv! My back feels great now.
Liv: (starts laughing at him) I told you so! Its one of the best back stretches. This is great! Whenever your back is sore, a Liv Lean can perk it right up.
Opal: Did I hear you right? Is that one of your stretches you do? My back's a little creaky. Can you show me?
Ben: Sure, you stretch your hands over your head and then lean down almost to the ground. It really stretches the back.
Opal: Sweet! I'm gonna have to show this to Ed. He'll love it.
by Dusty's Baby Powder October 14, 2011
Get the Liv Leanmug. A bowling tournament held by all the school districts in Ohio annually. It is most notably played between Centerville school district and Blue Valley school district. The winner gets the Edward R. Crankshaft memorial trophy. The trophy travels from year to year depending on who won it last. Centerville has won it the most times.
Ed: (jumping up and down in excitement) We won again! The Crankshaft Bowl is ours!! Take that Blue Valley schools!!
Roger: (running back and forth down the bowling lanes screaming) Centerville rocks! Centerville rocks!!
Elmer: (gets a real stern look on his face) Roger, shut up! So we won, big deal! I don't want to hear another word about it you hear me?
Roger: (is hurt by the sterness of Elmer's voice, begins to cry) I'm sorry, I just got excited.
Max: (really mad, blue steam coming out of his ears) You won't be so lucky next time, Crankshaft! Next time, Blue Valley is taking that trophy back to Ashtabula.
Ed: Easy, you'll win it someday, trust me. Just don't get so excited over it.
Steve: Yeah, take it easy. This is the Crankshaft Bowl. You're supposed to have fun with it.
Ed: (holding the trophy like a dumbell, crunching his bicep) Sweet victory! Burgandy and gold rule and navy and powder blue drool! (sets the trophy down and pumps his fist in the air three times)
Roger: (running back and forth down the bowling lanes screaming) Centerville rocks! Centerville rocks!!
Elmer: (gets a real stern look on his face) Roger, shut up! So we won, big deal! I don't want to hear another word about it you hear me?
Roger: (is hurt by the sterness of Elmer's voice, begins to cry) I'm sorry, I just got excited.
Max: (really mad, blue steam coming out of his ears) You won't be so lucky next time, Crankshaft! Next time, Blue Valley is taking that trophy back to Ashtabula.
Ed: Easy, you'll win it someday, trust me. Just don't get so excited over it.
Steve: Yeah, take it easy. This is the Crankshaft Bowl. You're supposed to have fun with it.
Ed: (holding the trophy like a dumbell, crunching his bicep) Sweet victory! Burgandy and gold rule and navy and powder blue drool! (sets the trophy down and pumps his fist in the air three times)
by Dusty's Baby Powder April 07, 2011
Get the Crankshaft Bowlmug.