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Chang Tan's definitions

retirement home

The deathbed of old people. They check in, they never check out. Before they finally draw their last breath, they are required to live a life of incredible dullness, due to health complications of old folks.
"I'm 60 years old, nothing to do here but to play checkers and eat old corn cobblers, because ham hurts my teeth and bread clogs my arteries."

Heartbeat monitor goes dead...

"Oh dang..."
by Chang Tan December 29, 2004
mugGet the retirement homemug.

AOL

A ISP for those who are too mentally deficient to fucking open Internet Explorer to browse, and instead must surrender its dignity to a company who can automatically load up a half-assed browser after connection. Technically your paying for more ads to be showed in your desktop, because every time you log in, popups flood the screen saying "Pay for AOL 9.0 PREMIUM for some RADICAL shit... DOGG!".

Half of those who attempted to use the signup system quit on their first try, and begin prank calling the AOL tech support.
Disgruntled illiterate user: You fucking asshole! I didn't pay you guys money just to not set up my service, ASSHOLE!

Tech support: Please calm down sir, please state your inquiry.

Disgruntled illiterate user: My inquiry is that your a moron!

Tech support: *hangs up phone*

Disgruntled illiterate user: Hello? Hello? FUCK DIS SHIAT!
by Chang Tan January 1, 2004
mugGet the AOLmug.

florida

Homer simpson: We can't go to Florida... thats America's wang! *points at the dick-like state of Florida*
by Chang Tan December 31, 2003
mugGet the floridamug.

music

A work of art, containing words that eventually may tell us something, moving in a catchy rhythm. Long story short, its "fucking your ears with noises, catchy noises". There are many times of music, starting from quite possibly the very beginning of humanity, or at the least when homo-sapiens stopped picking their noses and stood up, hooting wildly and beating each other in the head with dinosaur bones. This is how music began, don't object me, I know I'm right.

Eventually this "music" evolved into a leisure hobby that has lived to this modern day.

There are many types of music, but apparantly corruption in the RIAA, a money-oinking recording industry began a organized legal-war against the sharing of .mp3s, the main format for music we distribute through websites and gnutella networks. The RIAA's victory against napster proved to be a failure, other file sharing networks sprouted out like mushrooms and cleverly evaded the law by claiming "We arn't distributing the 'illegal files', its the users themselves that choose what they want to distribute, we arn't controlling anything". Nonetheless, recently RIAA and even some governments threatened to sue those who are found to be "pirating" music.

It ain't pirating damnit, all we just do is buy CDs from the mall, use our cd-burner software to extract and convert the music, and hand it out to moneyless bums on the internet. If the RIAA was so damn smart, then maybe they would at least make it harder for us to do so.
Music is basically sounds that you enjoy, unlike the farting your lard-stuffed dad makes.
by Chang Tan January 2, 2004
mugGet the musicmug.

diablo 2

Life draining computer game, players who play it often found themselves devoid of a life, girlfriend, or any other monument of their terrible social abilities.

Gamers ditches school just to spend hours searching of the Ultra Nuklear Oculous of Unanimous Kickass (+2 Skills +3x Immunity to Cold +2000 Magic Damage +Guaranteed Drop of Uniques), rumored to be hidden in a dung sample dropped from Baal's swollen sphinchter.
Diablo 2 Gamer: "OMGz! I just found myself a bitchin' 75x FCR Sorc Ring with 800% Magic Find! God I'm so fucking tired...."

Straight-Thinking Kid: "Neat, I got laid twelve times today. Cool huh? My schlong hurts bad though"

Diablo 2 Gamer: "Haha! You faggot, you got a small dick. Gayass"

Diablo 2 Gamers spasms violently on the floor, blood pouring out of his eyes, then dies from a seizure.
by Chang Tan March 13, 2005
mugGet the diablo 2mug.

the sims

Awful computer game, where you serve as a god/deity that invokes your will on people too stupid to know when to take a shit, walk to the mailbox, and wake up in time for work.

The adults appear to have a mental illness, and a poor attention span, as they cannot stop chatting about soccer, airplanes, mountains, money, and the local burglar without crying a river, run back into their house, pee over the carpet, and still welcome their guests in to their kitchen, where a thriving colony of roaches and ants are having a squaredance in tile:#3457.

Sometimes the children are smarter and more active than their parents, keeping their fun, comfort, and social levels up, while somehow attaining a genetic trait that grants them immortality. However, if they ever miss a single bus when the time arrives, a humvee arrives to take them to military school.

Often its funnier to make the lives of your "victims" as agonizing as possible, rather than making them successful and prominent members of Simian society.
I built a two story blood-speckled castle for the Weyland family, a tribe of demons visiting Sim-Estates to harvest fresh souls for the summoning of Cthulu. Already in the first 24 hours I had killed 80 Simian men.

Ah the joys of The Sims!
by Chang Tan June 4, 2005
mugGet the the simsmug.

McDonalds

Where the fatty arbuckles eat to get plumper from the ecoli infested beef.
I ate from fast food resturants, and I got diaherria for the whole winter-spring season.
by Chang Tan October 26, 2003
mugGet the McDonaldsmug.

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