When something malfunctions by virtue of not existing at all. Taken (but not precisely) from "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". In the original usage, a spaceship existed for a while and then spontaneously disappeared.
Bob: Can I borrow your car?
Bill: Nope. Sorry. It's having a total existence failure.
In swimming, when one dives into the pool when starting a race and his or her goggles immediately completely fill up with water or fall off, usually ending up somewhere part way down the person's face.
Brian: "Damn, dude. What happened during that race? You're time was freaking slow."
Tom: "I experienced total gogular failure and couldn't see shit."
Fogey/fogy /fougi/ sl. (early 18C+, orig. Scot) old-fashioned, stuck-in-the mud.
Person with old fashioned ideas which he is unwilling to change: Come to the disco and stop being such an old fogey!
You think me an old fogeyand an old tory, his thoughtful voice said. I saw three generations since O’Connel’s time. I remember the famine. Do you know that the orange lodges agitated for repeal of the union twenty years before O’Connel did or before the prelates of your communion denounced him as a demagogue? You fenians forget some things. (James Joyce, Ulysses. Penguin Books,1992. p. 38)