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Shirk and Jerk

To avoid doing work while on the clock whilst taking care of one's needs. Less euphemistically: to jack off at work.
I was feeling really stressed at work today, so I locked my office and closed the blinds for a good ol' shirk and jerk to relieve my tension before the board meeting. Totally killed the presentation!

smirk jerk 

An person who frequently fakes a smile with an arrogant, smug attitude.
Rachel is such a smirk jerk! She always gives me that same smug look every time I screw something up.
smirk jerk by zeus64 April 12, 2011

Jerk Shark 

Much like a shark, this person under-exaggerates their ability at certain games. The jerk factor is added by the fact that this person does this to friends, not unsuspecting pool hall drunks.
Richard invites Greg over to play Guitar Hero, saying that he is only on Easy mode. Greg comes over only to get his butt whipped by someone who can 5 star his way through hard.

Under normal circumstances, Richard would be a shark. Because he did this to a buddy, he is a "jerk shark"
Jerk Shark by CHRISGRE January 1, 2009

jerk smirk 

The look a guy gets on his face while masturbating. Most males get a jerk smirk on their face because of the uncontrollable pleasure they are feeling. A jerk smirk can last for several minutes after a guy ejaculates.
Duder 1: "Hurry up in there dude, I gotta trim my bush."

Duder 2: (comes out of bathroom) "Sorry dude, it's all yours."

Duder 1: "What the hell is that jerk smirk on your face for? Awww dude if I step on any of your nasty ass cum..."
jerk smirk by westfalia December 29, 2009

smirk-and-jerk 

(v.) to roll one's eyes whilst concurrently simulating (male) masturbation , used whenever one encounters absolute douche-baggery or ridiculous-ness.
"I was TOTALLY pulling a smirk-and-jerk as my ex was telling me over the phone how he didn't miss me at all when my phone's missed call log proved otherwise."
smirk-and-jerk by belleofthebaltimore September 28, 2006

jerk em' then smirk em' 

to jerk someone off while creepily smiling at them as doing so. to the point where they are uncomfortable by the creepiness and call it a day.

comes from the group of phrases
"fuck em' then chuck em'" "blow em' then throw em'" "hit and run" "hit it then quit it"
Amanda: so what did you and hannah do last night?

Brandon: well we were getting into it untill she pulled a jerk em' then smirk em' and it just creeped me out so i left without even finishing.

Amanda: ewww.
More from Urban Dictionary

briefcake 

"Did you check out the briefcake in courtroom C?"
briefcake by Ben Frey April 6, 2006
Word of the Day on November 3, 2026
Brought to public attention by Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein in the book on the fall of Richard Nixon, All The President’s Men, ratfucker was Nixon’s term for a political operative who sows chaos among opponents; an agent provocateur. It is thought to have originated among campus political rivalries at USC, and seems to have some usage in the US military.
Along with Nixon’s other ratfuckers, Roger Stone caused fights at otherwise peaceful Democratic Party protests to generate a false narrative that the Democrats were violent and dangerous.
Ratfucker by Ricky Ramjet November 2, 2017
Word of the Day on November 2, 2026

countrypolitan 

Term used to describe someone who is a mix of both rural (country) and urban (metropolitan) lifestyles/upbringings. He/she is typically equally comfortable in both settings and is able to seamlessly slip back and forth between the two, appreciating the characteristics of each.
That ol' gal of mine drives the 12 lane freeway during the week and a John Deere on the weekends. She likes opra and the Grand Ol' Opry. I love them countrypolitan women.
countrypolitan by MOChick November 7, 2006
Word of the Day on November 1, 2026

Witch Bath 

A bath consisting of a variety of slats, oils, soaps or any other added ingredients such as fruits, milks, herbs or any other spices for health or beautifying benifits.
She brought home alot of stuff and took it to the bathroom. She must be taking a witch bath.
Witch Bath by carnieboy30 October 26, 2020
Word of the Day on October 31, 2026

kinktober 

An excuse for people to write porn with different types of kinks throughout the month of October.

Smut Fanfiction
That chick doesn't write often but when she does, its for Kinktober.
kinktober by Kinkiest July 12, 2018
Word of the Day on October 30, 2026

proper lad 

a lad that is such a lad that he is a proper lad
person1:did you see bob
person2: ya he was a proper lad
Word of the Day on October 29, 2026
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