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Shirk and Jerk

To avoid doing work while on the clock whilst taking care of one's needs. Less euphemistically: to jack off at work.
I was feeling really stressed at work today, so I locked my office and closed the blinds for a good ol' shirk and jerk to relieve my tension before the board meeting. Totally killed the presentation!

smirk jerk 

An person who frequently fakes a smile with an arrogant, smug attitude.
Rachel is such a smirk jerk! She always gives me that same smug look every time I screw something up.
smirk jerk by zeus64 April 12, 2011

Jerk Shark 

Much like a shark, this person under-exaggerates their ability at certain games. The jerk factor is added by the fact that this person does this to friends, not unsuspecting pool hall drunks.
Richard invites Greg over to play Guitar Hero, saying that he is only on Easy mode. Greg comes over only to get his butt whipped by someone who can 5 star his way through hard.

Under normal circumstances, Richard would be a shark. Because he did this to a buddy, he is a "jerk shark"
Jerk Shark by CHRISGRE January 1, 2009

jerk smirk 

The look a guy gets on his face while masturbating. Most males get a jerk smirk on their face because of the uncontrollable pleasure they are feeling. A jerk smirk can last for several minutes after a guy ejaculates.
Duder 1: "Hurry up in there dude, I gotta trim my bush."

Duder 2: (comes out of bathroom) "Sorry dude, it's all yours."

Duder 1: "What the hell is that jerk smirk on your face for? Awww dude if I step on any of your nasty ass cum..."
jerk smirk by westfalia December 29, 2009

smirk-and-jerk 

(v.) to roll one's eyes whilst concurrently simulating (male) masturbation , used whenever one encounters absolute douche-baggery or ridiculous-ness.
"I was TOTALLY pulling a smirk-and-jerk as my ex was telling me over the phone how he didn't miss me at all when my phone's missed call log proved otherwise."
smirk-and-jerk by belleofthebaltimore September 28, 2006

jerk em' then smirk em' 

to jerk someone off while creepily smiling at them as doing so. to the point where they are uncomfortable by the creepiness and call it a day.

comes from the group of phrases
"fuck em' then chuck em'" "blow em' then throw em'" "hit and run" "hit it then quit it"
Amanda: so what did you and hannah do last night?

Brandon: well we were getting into it untill she pulled a jerk em' then smirk em' and it just creeped me out so i left without even finishing.

Amanda: ewww.