Diarrhea. Specifically, the gut wrenching stomach twisting kind of diarrhea that results from an over-indulgence of green apples or food poisoning. It's characterized by arapid and often unexpected onset.
Wife: What the hell happened to your boxers and pants?
Husband: Your mother's cooking gave me the Johnny Rotten Apple Quicksteps. Those last few steps on the way to the bathroom were brutal. Good thing I was wearing socks.