No matter how nice of a thing you have, no matter how hard you may try, someone will always find a way to fuck it up.
Josh: Hey bro can I borrow your phone?
Me: I dunno man, I just bought this. I don't even have a case on it yet!
Josh: Chill dude, I ain't gonna break it. It'll just take a second..
Me: Okay...
Josh:*Immediately drops it on the ground, denting the corner*
Me: God damn it Josh, this is why we can't have nice things.
It's a statement a mom or dad would make, while exasperated with their child for having broken some household item. For instance, a mother buys a new small appliance for her kitchen, let's say its a stand mixer. The kids start playing with it and jam something in the blades and burn out the motor. Mom walks in and sees the mess and yells, "See! That's why we can't have nice things!"
It's a comment that is actually an irrational thing to say, but it's funny for that reason. A very "mom/dad" thing they would say in the heat of the moment.
"See! That's why we can't have nice things! Dad just bought this VCR, and you kids put a sandwich in it! Now it's broken!"
1.) The inability to possess quality goods or services.
2.) Shit we can't have.
3.) Used to describe the consequences of an asshole.
1.) "God dammit Schmidt, this is why we can't have nice things."
2.) "He pissed on my desk, this is why we can't have nice things."
3.) "You grabbed her ass, this is why you can't have a nice thing."
While our lifespan is the number of years we will live, our healthspan is the number of healthy years we will have and our sexspan is is the number of years we will continue to be healthy enough to continue having an active sex life.
A lighthearted reaction upon receiving disappointing news of some sort. Usually something that isn't a particularly a big deal, esp. when it primarily affects someone else - sort of a mild schadenfreude. Sometimes doubled or tripled, and possibly said in a sing-songy voice for added comedic effect to imitate a muted trumpet, which is how the meme originated.