kalvert

A male who spends all his time at work on-line making perverted innuendos to males and females alike.

Person 1: Who was that guy who was offering to pillage you with his throbbing buttplug?

Person 2: Oh, that's just some kalvert.

kalvert by aervert March 23, 2011

kalbert 

Combination of Kirk and Alberts, supposedly this guy has penis more than 2 times as wide as it is long, probably jsut a sick urban legend.

omfg THAT is a kalbert!

kalbert by East-Kentucky September 17, 2003

kalbert 

Shoving a fat round salami stick up your arse. (can use one of those dog food sausage things, yuuuuuuuuuuk!)

When Bob had finished cumming in her mouth, he decided to give her a kalbert with a 12 inch long, 5 inch wide, bavarian salami.

kalbert by Joe-Dirty September 17, 2003

kalbert 

fallic deformity common among overweight caucasian, in which the penis is a least 2 times wider than it is long.

his kalbert was to wide to fit

kalbert by robert liu May 19, 2003

kalbert 

A kalbert is a penis more than twice as wide as it is long. The namesake comes from the doctor who found the disorder (and incedentaly the first know case of kalberts) Kirk Alberts

wow look at that chode, its almost a kalbert

kalbert by chodie May 19, 2003

kalbert 

This dude Kirk Albets supposedly had a dick more than 2* as long as wide, so they made this word kalbert, meaning a dick more than two times as wide as it is long. The extreme form of a chode.

Tammy:I don't know how it will fit in me, its a Kalbert
Tom: It can be a trick to get in

kalbert by Dunks September 16, 2003

kalbert 

A serious deformity of the penis, causing it to grow mroe than twice as wide as long. Many bayb's with this disorder (although it is VERY rare) have there genitals cut off and a sex change performed at birth as it is easier on the baby phsychologically. Sometimes it is possible to cure through a secuence of penis enlargement operations.Ë?

in the locker room: "Hey look man, jimmy's got a kalbert!"

kalbert by Kirk Alberts (Kalbert research Foudnation) May 25, 2003