jesus boner

noun: when a person gets really excited about jesus, the teachings/words of jesus, or anything relating to jesus. the reultant is a massive jesus boner.

While I was in church, I had the eerie feling that I was surrounded by about 150 jesus boners.

The pope has the worlds largest jesus boner. what a stud.

by the storm drains May 07, 2008

Jesus Boner

When you're absolutely wasted and can't get your dick up, but you need to fuck a chick. You pray to Jesus for a solid erection and he comes through like a bro.

Q: Hey, what are you doing in church?
A: I was smashed the other night but needed to fuck this chick, so I prayed and God tossed me the greatest Jesus Boner I've ever had. Now I feel obligated to go to church.

by Thefuckersattheendofthetable November 15, 2016

Jesus Boner

When your mans boner is so long that it is considered holy.

Lemme see your sweet Jesus Boner

by Cuntmuffin995 September 05, 2019

Jesus Boner

When you are flaccid, but you really need to get up in there...You pray to Jesus and he delivers a massive boner.

"Please give me this Jesus boner, Christ. To fuck this chick/dude!"

by TheBonePolice January 09, 2019

Jesus Boner

A boner so holy that divine light is shed upon it and a choir of alter boys sing in the background. Morning wood becomes morning good.

That hoe got the Jesus Boner, nah mean?
(The choir passes in a catholic bus)

by Narcoleptic Cactus June 17, 2018

#jesus boner

When you want to get up in there...but you are too wasted. You pray to Jesus to give you a massive boner.

"I'm tweeting Jesus for a #Jesus Boner. Please give me the strength to fuck the chick/dude."

by TheBonePolice January 09, 2019

Jesus Boner

Literally jesus’s holy erected dick

“Damn, he has a jesus boner there.”

by DickSucka69 March 05, 2018