captain douche

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Brand: Urban Dictionary
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In a classroom or work setting captain douche would be the most egotistical and outgoing guy. He loudly shares his political opinions, life lessons and sexual exploits. He may be a loner or in a group of other douche friends but he far exceeds them with his obnoxious outgoing nature.

"THERE AREN'T ENOUGH CHICKS IN THIS CLASS!"
"I'M TO THE RIGHT OF LIMBAUGH"
"LIBERALS!? WORK! THAT'S A FIRST."

If you hear these types of phrases on a daily basis from this individual, you are dealing with a captain douche.

captain douche by slugbeast July 22, 2009

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Captain Douche Bag!

He is the founding last super hero of our time! He plays golf with freckled kids! He likes to Break Bread and go Water Fishing! His powers are dance to Techno music with hot chicks! He then Cleans his fridge with Fabric softner and yells at crocidiles because they have too much teeth and never see the dentist!

Little Boy: oh my god some buddy kill me!

Captain Douche Bag: how about no dumass! maybe you should be happy fuck face!

Little Boy: why captain douche bag no one likes me!

Captain Douche Bag: cause your a pussy!

Little Boy: im really sorry sir! i promise to stop wetting the bed!

Captain Douche Bag: good now go protect the planet from Beastiality Porn!!!

THEME SONG!

Captain Douche Bag is a fucking guy with a mask!
He'll eat the rest of the Steak Sauce!
Then he will cry you nothing cause you suck!
Watch out its Captain Douche Bag!

Captain Douche Bag is a fucking guy with a cape!
He'll do back flips on chicken tenders from Hot'n Now!
Then he will pee on your bed blaming it on you!!!
Watch out its Captain Douche Bag!

Kids: We love Captain Douche Bag!! YAY!!!!!!

Captain Douche Bag is a fucking hero with Attitude!!!
He'll race you to the Laundry Mat!! And wash his clothes!
Then he will burn the Kmart store down! cause it sucks!!!
Watch out its Captain Douche Bag!

Watch out its Captain Douche Bag!
Watch out its Captain Douche Bag!
Watch out its Captain Douche Bag!

Captain Douche Bag! by james franks the 3rd October 31, 2005

Douche Captain

One who so excels at being a douchebag, they have been appointed to a position of leadership among their douchebag crew.

"That guy doing the guido dance - total douche captain."

Douche Captain by giber1 December 15, 2008

Captain Douchebag

An assclown that generally speaks as if they know what they are talking about however has no fucking clue. Different than just the plain assclown by their pure consistancy has earned a rank of captain, yet are not quite the level of an admiral, which requires a lifelong dedication to being a douchebag.

Can also be identified by their need to tell long winded retarded stories about their friends who are also douchebags of lower rank with lame nick-names consisting of the names "bone" and "dawg."

Shit lets go, here comes captain douchebag again.

Captain Douchebag by DrSmooth June 22, 2005

captain douchebag

The biggest douchebag in the history of time. A person who exemplifies all that it means to be a douche.

Zach Pannenton is captain douchebag
those who don't even know his name simply know him as the captain.

captain douchebag by ShooToKill August 13, 2006

captain douchetastic

A person who becomes severely agitated when they are called a douche/douchebag or any other form of the word douche.

Guy 1: Have you met Milo?
Guy 2: You mean captain douchetastic?
Guy 1: Yeah, that's him.

captain douchetastic by DavidCarradine February 10, 2008

Captain DoucheBeard

He is one of the few Admiral Douchebags, sailing the office halls, highschools, and other public places. Often confused with Captain Redbeard, but rather than being a ginger, he has jet black hair.

He is often seen wearing a pair of sunglasses a wifebeater. Nothing can stop his greasy hair and fake Italian/New Jersian accent, for he as always dreamed of being a cast member on the Jersey Shore

He spends his days pointing at his biceps, following women, making promises he can't keep, blasting his shitty music, revving his car at anyone who dares walk "his" streets, lifting 20-pound dumbells while drinking Martinis, tanning while it's cloudy out, insulting anyone who wears the wrong brand shoes, complaining about his cellphone service, emptying gallons of spray deodorant, and banging your girlfriend.

Tom: What a douche!
Brady: That's Captain DoucheBeard.

Captain DoucheBeard by iSpeakDaTruthz March 4, 2011

Respectfully

Precedes or follows either a gratuitously disrespectful or honest remark, originated in New York City. Used in similar fashion to "no offense" or "to be honest," interchangeably.

Ya mans is wild buns, respectfully. Respectfully he's washed.

After school, The Modells on Jamaica Ave was active. Respectfully.

Respectfully by john quan the first December 20, 2020

Word of the Day on September 26, 2026

You met me at a very Chinese time in my life

A moment in time where you feel distinctly Chinese over all other things.

Dante: "I wish I could be Nigerian, but I can't because I'm Chinese. You met me at a very Chinese time in my life."

You met me at a very Chinese time in my life by Sus Chad September 21, 2026

Word of the Day on September 25, 2026

crunchy

Adjective. Used to describe persons who have adjusted or altered their lifestyle for environmental reasons. Crunchy persons tend to be politically strongly left-leaning and may be additionally but not exclusively categorized as vegetarians, vegans, eco-tarians, conservationists, environmentalists, neo-hippies, tree huggers, nature enthusiasts, etc.

Also used to describe establishments where alternative foods and products are sold, i.e. natural food stores.

Modified derivative of granola.

"I need more crunchy guys in my life. I'm so tired of dating preppy metrosexual assholes."

"I'm heading out to the crunchy store to pick up some fair trade chocolate and tea tree oil, do you need anything?"

crunchy by EBC July 11, 2007

Word of the Day on September 24, 2026

Galantir

A group of people, typically women, searching through someone’s digital footprint in order to find more information about that person.

Susie wasn’t sure if her new Hinge match was a creep, so she assembled Galantir and they found out he used to post slurs on gaming forums.

Galantir by Ge-sus September 22, 2026

Word of the Day on September 23, 2026

murderhobo

In a tabletop game, a murderhobo is a player who murders NPCs indiscriminately. This is normally derogatory, referring to a player who totally ignores quests, dialog, backstory, trade, world building etc.

The term is most common with Dungeons and Dragons, but it can be applied to most RPGs where the player is allowed to kill most quest-giving NPCs and NPC traders. E.g. Elder Scrolls, Fallout, Divinity original sin.

DM: The sad little orphan girl tugs at Steve's trenchcoat to get his attention, and ask for help saving her pet dog from...
Steve: I'd like to roll a strength check against strangling the orphan.
Dave: I call dibs on the dog.
DM: You murderhobos disgust me.

murderhobo by Loup&S September 9, 2021

Word of the Day on September 22, 2026

Whale

In sales terms, a whale is a prospect that is significantly larger than an organization’s average customer.

Whales are large and extremely difficult to close. Due to their immense size, they are highly sought-after.

A whale is typically identified at first by a whale hunter on the sales team, but often requires cross-discipline participation in order to close; this includes assistance from operations, engineering, creative, client success, and business development teams.

"Shit...the sales director chewed me out on the sales call this morning. He's totally pissed that I have nothing in my pipeline. I've been focused on this one whale for so long that I haven't had time to prospect for normal-sized deals."

Whale by FQ_GFY February 3, 2020

Word of the Day on September 21, 2026