i'll be a monkey's uncle

This idiom is used to express complete surprise, amazement or disbelief.

e.g. Bob: Hey, there was a news article about an alien spaceship having entered the earth's atmosphere!
Harry: Well, i'll be a monkey's uncle!

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Half past a monkey's ass, quarter to his balls

3:45...I think? Who knows what this means really?

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Look at her! She's way past Cooter Brown! She's drunker than a Monkey's Uncle!

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A derogatory way of expressing your dislike for someone.

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Something frustrating in its disgustingness.
Orginally, a man birthed from the anus of a monkey or an ape.

::Jeanine unable to get credit card machine to work: "Son of a monkey's ass!"

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It is when a male is about to get off and something bad happens to make him lose his hard on.

At this party I busted into a room where this guy and girl where getting it on to fuck a monkey's nut. The look on his face was hilarious.

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