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Everybody has a bag of rocks to carry. 

Everyone in life has troubles be them physical or mental. Whether rich or poor the heartaches of life escape no one.
Be kind, give people a break, don't be so quick to anger or judge because, Everybody has a bag of rocks to carry.

Quit whining, we all have a bag of rocks.

All the tools and no box to carry them in. 

A person or coworker that appears to have intelligence and talent, but continues to screw things up on a regular basis.
Man, I used to think that guy had his shit together. He's such a screw up.
He's got all the tools and no box to carry them in.

long and hairy, hard to carry

Possible answer to the question: "How's it hanging?".
This expression refers to the alleged lengthiness, hence the weight, of the penis. It also refers to pubic hair.
"how's it hanging?"
"long and hairy, hard to carry"

mobile task force unit epsilon 11 designated nine tailed fox has entered the facility, all foundation personnel are to carry out standard evacuation protocols. 

an announcement to say that things are about to gat very bad
class d: *runs here and there*
PA: mobile task force unit epsilon 11 designated nine tailed fox has entered the facility, all foundation personnel are to carry out standard evacuation protocols.
class d: crap noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

tried to carry you 

When someone UNSUCCESSFULLY tries to make you look inferior, error-prone, deficient or beneath them.
“He tried to carry you” as in ‘he tried it’.

carry me to bethlehem 

When someone is exhausted and the sling their arms around someone else's neck and call out "Carry me to Bethlehem" and demand to be dragged along by the other person.
Mary: Oi Josheph ma legs are fuckt! "Carry me to Bethlehem"
Josheph: Carry yerself ya fat cooow