a Schlaktus is a giant, humongous, or extremely large penis that cannot fit into a woman's vagina unless you slam it in there so hard that she will be yelling and screaming hours after finishing, and will be looser than a jar of mayonnaise
12 step recovery jargon referring to someone new who talks about how great life is, now that they'resober. Usually meaning that the person is out of touch with reality.
The new guy seems pretty happy for a dude who has no job, no money and no family. He must be on a pink cloud.