RUMS

Recto-Urethral Metamorphosis Syndrome

RUMS does not have to be the end of the world! It's only the spontaneous formation of an anomalous canal leading from the urinary bladder to the colon. There are various treatments and support groups available depending on how bad the piss coming out of your ass gets.

Various forms of anal neglect (ie. vigorous anal pounding, forgetting to wipe) are the impetus of the formation of a new aqueduct leading from the urinary tract to the puborectalis, a process known as anal fusion. No cure currently exists for RUMS. However, the following treatment options may relieve both you and your family of the grief, physical agony, and humiliation associated with anal drip:

• Anal scraping -- Use your physician-prescribed anal pen to remove any exterior lesions that may form around the sphincter. Make sure the blade is duly sharpened beforehand. Please use caution during this procedure, as intense scraping of the anal region may exacerbate the amount of piss coming from your ass.

• Rapid anal insertion (RAI)-- Insert the anal pen into your sphincter and leave it in place for 5 to 7 days. Repeat this process every 2 weeks until symptoms improve. Remove ONLY to defecate.

• Emergency Anal Sealant -- Apply a dime-size dollop of Dr. Thesinger's Quick Dry Anal Epoxy® around the sphincter whenever anal drip reaches a constant, painful stream. Do NOT apply ointment more than 5 times in 24 hours. Use as directed.

• Post-Anal Fusion Reconstructive Surgery (PAFRS): With the help of a break-through medical procedure known as PAFRS, doctors can successfully minimalize the daunting effects of RUMS. Once intensively tunneling into the sphincter with a laser-tipped anal pipette, doctors cauterize the aqueduct so as to divert all excess urine from the colon toward the urinary bladder; and away from the anus. This operation is reserved for patients with only the most severe cases of anal drip.

Consult your anal specialist for advice.

There's help!!
Counseling Hotlines:
1-800-244-6373
1-800-382-5277
[e-mail]

For all your RUMS related needs!

There was this kid in my building who never wiped his ass. I heard he has RUMS now and can't stop pissing from his ass.

by Dr. Geraldo Thesinger, P.h. D March 30, 2009

Rums

Runny stool that strikes when least expected as a result of drinking copious amount of rum the night before.

Bro 1: "I drank so much Ron last night...
*feeling of your ass about to fall out your leather cheerio*
I think I have the runs..."
Bro 2: "Nah bruh, you have the rums."

by Phebreeze November 30, 2011

Rums

A badass mother fucker who usually hang out with other badass mother fuckers xD

Damn I just saw your mom in rums's bed yo !

by UUU May 12, 2014

Rumson

A town down near the jersey shores filled with laxers, druggies, chads, and kids who have an entire floor to themselves. Every other white dad in rumson either works at Wall Street or somewhere else in the city. The parties are mostly some of the best that you will go to. For fun, upperclassmen will give the frosh boys water and tell then it’s vodka just to watch them make a fool of themselves acting drunk. Way too many people go to Brennan’s and it’s like six flags in a tiny room even though it kinda sucks. One of the few times you will see any Hispanic people in rumson is when they’re doing ur daddy’s lawn. Girls at rfh get G-wagons before they can even drive by themselves, and about 40% of the rfh parking lot is filled with Jeep wranglers. You’ll know you’re in rumson Nj when the football games are like college games, you can smell weed all the way down the street from parties and the freshman boys wear their football jerseys over their sweatshirt no matter their record.

-Freshman 23

Yeah dude I’m from rumson, my daddy bought my car for me when I was sixteen

by Rfhfroshboy69 October 23, 2019

rumsucker

A term derived from pirates' bad behavior, describing one who sponges off the bounty of others.

That asshole is, hands down, an accomplished and highly flamboyant rumsucker.

by Dr Bunnygirl April 19, 2018

Rumsfeldian

a term to describe a person's tendency to ignore facts, spoken or otherwise, when those facts are opposing to the person's own viewpoint.

Doctor: I'm afraid you only have two weeks to live.
Rumsfeldian: Yeah, my health gets better every year.

Banker: Your account is overdrawn.
Rumsfeldian: I'll write a check to cover it.

by Hates_ November 23, 2006

donald rumsfeld

Secretary of Defense under G.W. presidency. The stooge that defended the lack of armor on US tanks in Iraq by saying "...uh... you can have all the armor in the world on a tank... and... that tank can still be blown up."

Alan Colmes: Donald Rumsfeld is a disgrace.
Sean Hannity: HES AN AMERICAN PATRIOT! I WISH TO GIVE HIM ORAL PLEASURE!

by Ian May 13, 2005