Horny Eye Syndrome (HES) is an affliction rising from a lack of sexual intercourse, and can often prove to be quite dangerous. It is chiefly suspected when a
person of prior good taste selects a heinous individual and genuinely acts as if that
person is sexually attractive. It is mainly an optical problem, as the eyes of the HES sufferer have been reprogrammed by the brain and seek out the opposite sex to admire, regardless of appearance. However, since the brain has implemented this new system in an attempt to get its owner laid, and thus prevent itself from being shot out of its nice cosy head, this can also be classed as a psychological issue.
Symptoms include:
Flirting with any member of the opposite sex aged 16-100
Watching enough
porn to mentally corrupt Satan
Breaking off, mid sentence, to stare at an extremely unimpressive
person
Suddenly considering hoody wearing chavs to be
sexy
Shocking outbursts of temper and/or crying
Muttering "I would!" after every mildly attractive
person passes
Acting like a hyperactive, oversexed teen every
time a genuinely attractive person comes into view.
Treatment involves either;
A group of generous friends willing to pay for a
prostitute.
A REALLY generous friend of the opposite sex,
Sex with a totally horrifying person, (Which ususally leads to immediate self diagnosis of HES as soon as the act is complete)
Wanking oneself into a coma.
It was clear to everyone else in the park that Janet was suffering from
Horny Eye Syndrome, as she walked seductively over to Barry, and watched him eating his burger, her expression clearly showing that she found the
sauce dripping down his many chins to be highly erotic. Although it would indeed be cruel to allow her to leave with the morbidly obese Barry, her friends had certainly had enough of trying to reign in her
Horny Eyed antics...and so they turned a blind eye as the pair disappeared, confident that self diagnosis would take place in aprroximately 10 minutes
time.
