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Dick Jesus 

A man who believes his penis is God's gift to the world, but he does not know how to use it properly. A man who does not know how to please women sexually.

This term originated in 2018 when a group of women were describing very disappointing sexual encounters with men.
Monica: "I heard you got lucky with Trevor last night!"
Kate: "... we had sex..."
Sara: "Why the longface? I heard he was well endowed!"
Kate: "ya... but he's a total Dick Jesus"
Monica: "eew! Dick Jesus men are the WORST!"
Sara: "I don't care how beautiful his penis is, if he's a Dick Jesus, I'm not gonna waste my time."
Dick Jesus by Ovary Actor October 20, 2018

limp dick jesus

A nick name for someone who is stupid and makes bad choices
limp dick jesus by Limp d. Jesus September 13, 2017

Jesus dick 

Dick so good that it heals all of your ailments
Girl: I thought you weren't going out tonight because you had a headache

Friend: I wasn't but then I hit up Ryan... He got that Jesus dick
Jesus dick by Dagger23 March 11, 2014

Jesus Dick 

Getting an erection after busting, and your penis "died" but rises again.
"Man, I had already came twice, but I looked at that booty again and got Jesus dick."
Jesus Dick by TheLittleEngine October 28, 2015

Jesus Dick 

An exclamation or interjection of anguish, usually that which is caused by another person's idiocy. Mainly used on its own, not as part of another sentence.
Primo - "I can't get the toilet to stop running and can't find the plug to unplug it."

Secundo - "Jesus dick, why are you so stupid!"
Jesus Dick by Billis Tedward September 12, 2011

long jesus dick 

A haitian proverb about how haitians have fourth Johnson in whole world.
Mines gots a long jesus dick my friends! Not an smalls american one YES
long jesus dick by Juzztn December 5, 2017