The Babel
fish is small yellow and
leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy received not from its own carrier, but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic
matrix formed by combining the unconscious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the brain which has supplied them.
The practical upshot of this is that if you stick a Babel
fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language. The speech patterns you actually hear decode the brainwave
matrix which has been fed into your mind by your Babel
fish.
Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mindbogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.
The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "the Babel
fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves that you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you
don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly disappears in a puff of
logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is whte and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.
Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of
dingo's kidneys, but that did not stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his
best selling
book 'Well That About Wraps It Up For God'.
Meanwhile, the
poor Babel
fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different race and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the
history of creation.
