Teleshopping

Channels dedicated to pointless gadgets you will never need, unbelievably fake photoshopped images, patronizing rhetorical questions and the worst actors on the face of the earth.

Teleshopping:

**HEY! Are you a fat loser with no friends?**

Guy at home: No.

**Then you need,THE FAT-BUSTER-CARDIO-CRUNCHER-ABS-BUILDER-FRIEND-FINDER 3000! It was £300 but you can get now for just £299.99!
Just Call: 0800-IMAFATLOSERWITHNOFRIENDSANDNEEDTHEFATBUSTERCARDIOCRUNCHERABSBUILDERFRIENDFINDER3000PLS Terms and conditions apply batteries not included.**

by Ashleyy(: February 20, 2009

telescoping

to masturbate into a tube and then ejaculate through the tube into someones eye

i was banging this bird last night. grabbed a toilet roll tube and proceeded in some telescoping

by luvchild1 September 22, 2009

telesex

Telephone sex. Having sex with telephone.

I'm having telesex in the public telephone.

by SandaimeSpaceMan February 24, 2008

Telesto

A very popular fusion rifles from the game Destiny / Destiny 2. An iconic weapon that fires off tiny purple fireworks that explode after a short delay. Sort of like explosive diarrhea when you think its finally stopped. Players often like to rhyme the guns name with other words.

Person 1: Hey dude, what's your favorite fusion rifle?
Person 2: Telesto, its the besto.

by Atlas_975 October 10, 2018

telephonitis

A common disorder precipitated by the overconsumption of alcohol causing the hammered sufferer to reach out by phone to every last person in their telephone contact list.

In a state of tragic undeniable pathos, a bad case of telephonitis drove her to make attempt after attempt to communicate absolutely nothing of importance with seriously shitfaced unintelligible slurring and an endless flood of tears!

by Dr Bunnygirl October 29, 2020

telehost

a television personality who seemingly performs the duties of a journalist but whose "interviews" involve condescending political attacks on non-Western leaders, and "serious" sit-downs with famous vacant personalities such as Britney Spears. A telehost is generally unintelligent, uninformed, has an agenda (instead of being impartial as a journalist should be), uses journalism as a means toward fame and fortune, and has no detectable journalistic integrity.

"Let's get the obvious out of the way on this one: Diane Sawyer is a low-grade telehost who has the intelligence of a doormat... -- excerpt from The Saccharinist entry "Round 2: Ahmadinejad vs. Sawyer"

Examples include Diane Sawyer, Christiane Amanpour, Bill O'Reilly, and well, most of the idiots on American news channels.

by Saccharinist December 14, 2008

telephone toughguy

A person who will talk shit over the phone (or any means of communication) only because they have no fear of actually having to fight the person on the other end or ever back up their words.

My ex girlfriend got a telephone toughguy that won't leave me alone, I'm gonna fuck him up if I ever find out who it is.

by Gamblar December 9, 2008