Touching Jesus 

Getting high, usually by using marijuana. Commonly misunderstood for masturbating.

Yo man I'm touching Jesus right now!
Gross.

Nah, i mean spiritually!
Oh nice bro!

Touching Jesus by Derethad June 24, 2010

slippery jesus 

The action of cunnilingus, where the tongue is moved in a criss-cross motion/ A movement during cunnilingus where the tongue is used to mimic the cross of Christ.

Frat Boy 1- "ah dude I scored with this hot chick last night!"

Frat Boy 2- "Sweet man! Did you giver the old slippery Jesus?"

Frat boy 1- "You know I did, bro!"

slippery jesus by Jeiku_Sensei July 26, 2016

because jesus 

Used (usually sarcastically) to "explain" why homosexuality/LGBT/abortion/marijuana/brown people/citizens of countries other than the US/what have you is "bad".

Imaginary interviewer to Pat Robertson: "Why are you so opposed to the rapidly expanding normalization of non-traditional sex roles?"
Robertson: "Because Jesus."

because jesus by TheThroat October 4, 2017

slim jesus 

a complete copy of Eminem (Slim Shady) with only one song that actually went viral a doesn't have any flow and is trash

person 1: hey
person 2: have you heard of the soundcloud rapper
person 1: which one
person 2: i forgot his name, but he is a total slim jesus
person 1: oh god

slim jesus by swaggerblob November 12, 2017

coachella jesus 

The purposeful inebriation durung 3 day music weekend, that it replicates the absence of the savior of Christianity.

Note- use of pre-meditated choice to inflict cognitive absence.

And, like main stream Christianity, there will be no proof that you really left at all.

“Bro, Featherweight Tyler went SO free-spiritedly high AF last weekend, he left reality Friday and came to Monday morn. He’s , like, Coachella Jesus” he resurrected himself.

coachella jesus by Craig Rasputin May 26, 2018

Skinless Jesus 

A Jesus for everyone. A messiah excepted by all race.

Daddy, what’s a skinless Jesus? Well Timmy, it’s a Jesus that everyone can worship.

Skinless Jesus by Tuna Juice July 16, 2018

Black Jesus 

The most incorrect race of Jesus next to White Jesus.

Black Jesus? White Jesus? Will people ever learn that Jesus was never white or black? He was Jewish. There's a difference.

Black Jesus by CelticEagle February 15, 2019