Personal Jesus 

1) Cool song originally done by Depeche Mode and covered by such people as Gravity Kills, Marilyn Manson, and Johnny Cash.

2) Someone to hear your prayers. Someone who cares

1) Personal Jesus is one of Depeche Mode's best known song

2) Pick up the receive, I'll make you a believer

Personal Jesus by Gamblor October 23, 2004

Samurai Jesus

Jesus Christ as a samurai warrior. He defined the true meaning of "the last supper" when he took on the Ninja assholes after they were done with their rice balls. Samurai Jesus is also the master of air hockey...nobody beats him.

"I challenged Samurai Jesus to a game of air hockey and he beat me like a bitch."

Samurai Jesus by Bill March 15, 2004

When Jesus Wakes up 

When something is bound not to happen, or will not begin for a long time.

I'm finna do my home work...... ha, when jesus wakes up.

When Jesus Wakes up by DanArc December 25, 2007

East Jesus Nowhere 

An amazing Green Day song off their 2009 album 21st Century Breakdown. This song is about fundamentalist religion. Lead vocalist for Green Day, Billie Joe Armstrong, wrote this song after attending a baptism for a friend's baby. Green Day performed this song on the season 34 finale of Saturday Night Live. Will Ferrell, who hosted, accompanied them on cow bell. This did not air, but can be found on Youtube.

A fire burns today
Of blasphemy and Genocide
The sirens of decay
Will infiltrate the faith fanatics

Some of the lyrics to East Jesus Nowhere

East Jesus Nowhere by Ninja-Unicorn June 30, 2011

You Need Jesus 

When someone in your squad is cutting the fool, or says something perverted as fuck that makes you laugh.

"Lord, that punannie was so tight, I thought she was underage!"

"You know you need Jesus, right?"

You Need Jesus by theradicalthinker August 26, 2016

went heels to Jesus 

to wallpaper the closet, to put Percy in the play pan, to lay some pipe, to swing the axe

- The last time I laid some pipe?
- You know, wallpapered the closet, went heels to Jesus?
- You mean make love?
- Nah, just sex!

went heels to Jesus by Zombieland2009 February 3, 2010

slim jesus 

A white Boy Who Thinks He's Black He Made The Song,"Drill Time" He's from Ohio

"I fuck with savages,you a fuckboy you can't hang." - Slim Jesus,Drill Time

slim jesus by Dr Gang In This Bitch December 30, 2015