useless as a call-centre operative

Usually someone utterly, totally useless, but can be applied to inanimate objects. Lacking any empowerment, thus going so far as to be inactively obstructive.
Etymology: in the UK a number of large companies operate call-centres. When one attempts to call these to complain, the usual response from the responder (the call-centre operative) is feigned interest in the issue, involving lengthy explanations, then the final response is that they cannot authorise the issue in question as due to lack of authority. The issues can be of any magnitude. When asked to be passed to a manager, they claim the manager is unavailable and will call back (this is the inactive-obstructive part). This never occurs, so one calls again. The situation recurses.
c.f. "chocolate teapot"

I attempted to wipe my arse with some own-brand toilet paper, after wiping the paper looked clean but the disgusting skiddies in my kecks later showed it was as useless as a call-centre operative.

by monsieur_tm December 30, 2013

Useless drama

Drama that starts for no fucking reason at all, Either online or IRL.

1. You are the fault of all of this.
2. Yeah i don’t give a shit man, It’s useless drama

by Pxprobotvidz August 30, 2022

useless parasite

someone who leeches off society and is a waste of everybody's time

Jamie is an absolutely useless parasite

by littcorp March 10, 2023

captain useless

A nigga who always be lacking. Sometimes he makes a joke and nobody laugh but we still love the guy.

-Guys why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.

Everyone:
-Man you really did just pull a captain useless.

by ButFuggle April 16, 2020

urban dictionary is useless

A fairly accurate statement for people who only wanted a regular online dictionary.

*A random person searches for an online dictionary*
*Sees urban dictionary and clicks through it*
*Searchs for the word*
*Ended up having meaningless definition*
*sighs*

'The Urban Dictionary is useless.'

by eman laer ruoy esu t'nod September 13, 2022

Useless toffee

A group of short men who resemble aquatic water mammals or are known to have extra large faces.

I would never date Phil have you seen the size of his face - he's such a useless toffee

by jibblesjabbers March 24, 2011

USELESS TEAMLEADER

One who cannot perform rudimentary tasks required by the position, content with sitting on their fat ass doing nothing, reading books and being so entitled to expect everyone else to do their job and take credit for it

She is such a useless teamleader she doesn't deserve to have the job

by VanillaGreek February 7, 2023