assplain

gender-free, verbose, condescending explanation that was not asked for nor needed. Typically patronizing and incorrect.

Jeff: So I watered the lawn and plants last night and...
Chad: Did you remember to put in the electrolytes and do it from the top down? From the top down. Add those electrolytes. If you don't do it right the grass grows in sideways and won't seed properly. Not to mention they'll no longer use the sun for photosynthesis.
Jeff: Dude - Why did you assplain this to me?

by MadTiki July 6, 2021

assclapper

Someone so stupid and fat that when they say something, the only sound is the echo of their ass cheeks resonating.

Jimmy is such an idiot -- what an assclapper!

by BelleMere July 24, 2010

assplash

The splashing of toilet water against the anus and buttocks as a result of heavy stools or Explosive diarrhea

While sitting on the shitter, I squinted in disgust as the assplash licked at my rear.

by Dr. Roid September 11, 2004

Assolation

Assolation: the social isolation that results when you’re such an annoying asshole that no one wants to be with you.

Ever since Uncle Bob manologued at Thanksgiving, he’s been in assolation.

by LooneyTooney January 7, 2019

assalanche

First defined in NASIOC's Off Topic forum by Kaiser as the slow, crampy, painful, and excruciatingly long build-up of poo in one's bowels, which finally reaches a breaking point and results in a massive avalanche of crap being explosively expelled from one's ass. Hence, assalanche.

Zeke sat miserably on the toilet for 30 mins with bad stomach cramps -- a half hour cycle of cramping and loosening and cramping and loosening tearing at his abdomen. But, frustratingly, no poo was shat. He suffered wave after wave of pain...until, finally, that last little snowflake fluttered down on 500 billion tons of brown snow. The assalanche came without warning, and it was fierce. Many people in Toiletville were caught unaware and perished in a 100mph rush of furious poo.

by Zeke Brown June 10, 2007

Assula

Ass + spatula. This is the spatula your mom used to beat your ass with when you were bad. Usually large enough to flip a 12" pancake, and strong enough withstand a 300 degree flame. Often contained a homing device so when you broke something in the house and went to hide the assula before your mom found the broken item, your mom could always find it to come beat some ass.

My mom was so proud of her assula that she had it bronzed.

I still have nightmares of my mother running down the hallway at me, assula in hand.

by -hef- November 10, 2009

assblasted

1.To get dominated, owned, or rocked by some unfortunate, overwhelming event, action, or person.

2. To dominate, own, or rock someone or something.

Synonymous with "you got served."

The quarterback got assblasted by the lineman's ferocious sack.

by IS SKYE January 5, 2005